Sunday, January 31, 2010

A message and a dream

I was listening to a message by Corey Russell on the knowledge of God, and the entire message is awesome, but one part in particular struck me. He was quoting A. W. Tozer What happens when a natural disaster strikes? What happens when the things I've built my life and my identity around are swept away, my books, the laptop, my clothes, my music? What's left? These are the tools that let me do what I'm supposed to do and be who I am supposed to be. Or at least that's how I feel about them. I express myself on my blog and on Polyvore, I read about race, religion, philosophy, literature, and marriage, I read recreational fiction of other people expressing themselves, and I know this is who I am, Marie without a book isn't Marie.

My relationship with God and my relationship with people. My ultimate purpose in Christ and how he would have me live to fulfill that.



Sunday June 6, 2010     10:12 am

I just dreamed that Rose was going on a trip to some kind of camp with this lady and some other non gay girls. It was like they were 9th graders. Either way, the lady Mom of two of the girl, and Dad were taking forever long talking and chatting, so I go back inside after helping Rose pick something to wear on the trip. On the right side of my house there is a door into a spare room blocked by shelves full of books, but you can still see into the room and I could see this girl eating a huge plate of cake redheaded very bright, almost unnatural. Then I saw another girl who looked exactly the same. And I was startled to see the first girl much less the second. When I saw the first girl i shouted "hey!" and when I saw the second girl, I guess I thought they might have been demons, so I shouted, "Human or not!"and the first girl looked at me like i was crazy. i realize that she's one of the girls going on the trip with Rose. She tells me Dad and the Lady, their mom, i think have been and will be talking for awhile and explains that the second girl who was sitting at a table is her twin and that she is deaf and mostly mute, but she can read lips so we try to have our conversation so that she can see our faces and sign sometimes.

Some of the other girls, except Rose, drift in while they are waiting , and we talk about blogging and fashion and fiction, and time passes and some weird sexual stuff. For some reason, the phrase never say never keeps coming up or something to that effect. When they are thinking it's almost time to go the first twin starts actually introducing me to the girls because we've all just been talking so comfortably that names never actually came up. The when she starts signing and speaking to the second sister sister (Marnie or Marney, I think) She signs and struggles to say, "Johana, fashion, blogging, steam, and something to do with gears." and everyone kind of astonished because that was a lot for her to say/try to say and the first, older, twin says, "well if you can catch everything during conversation then why do i have to explain it to you?"

Another girl says, "Do you know what happened to her, why she's like that?" I say no then the dream changes because they are telling me the story. Apparently, she and her mom/sister were at the same hotel of this very popular rock band. However, the lead singer had some kind of mental/moral breakdown
and he kidnapped the girl and tortured/tried to torture and maybe possibly rape her i don't know the girl telling the story kept saying he did horrible thing but whenever i asked what those things were it was like they didn't hear me or were ignoring me and just kept on with the story. Anyway after that both he and she disappeared. They only know what happened because i guess evidence of her was found in his room and there was a ton of blood. Weeks passed and neither the singer nor she was found so everyone thought that she was dead. One day this blonde dude was beating up and hurting these kids in an alley behind the rundown hotel. The kids came running into the alley to hide from them but he saw them like 4-7 of them and started throwing bags of rice at them (i know, i know but this is a dream, not EVERYTHING can make sense) one of the bags of rice hits a kid and pins him on the dirty nasty alley floor and it starts to fall open, which wasn't unusual because so did the other thrown bags of rice. but this bag had instead the body of the singer who was now in his fifties, bald, and dead and the body of the deaf twin sister who was now older and blonde, though this was in the past. at first it looked like the girl was dead too, but her eyes started moving and her head was jerking and it freaked out the guy who was hurting the street kids and then she managed to untwist herself from the position she was in, in the bag and crawl out. An ambulance was called and the rest is history though now she couldn't speak and could barely hear. But this segment of the dream ended with a early fifties brown haired lady,, looking like a politician driving by the alley in a black limo years later. She rolled down her window, and stuck out her head to say "Never say never" with a small smile and a wink, then drove away. Somehow I knew it was the deaf twin sister. Then I woke up.

The End.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Music of the Day


Drowning in You by Pluramon

Can you hear me call?
Did I take too long?
Is it dark or bright?
Can you see me falling down?
I'm drowning in you, my dear
If I turn back time ,
If you were all mine
I am feeling cold, I don't want to be here where it's lonely
Did I need too much? I can't feel your touch
Have I paid my dues? Why can't I go back to you?
Think I hear your voice, I don't have a choice
So I'm going home ruby river flowing as I'm going
where I'm not alone