Poise In the Well

TDKR Trailer Analysis

2012-01-28T19:30:00.000-05:00

From the snippet of Bruce's conversation with Selina Kyle it seems that the focus of Bane's and Catwoman's activities are going to be revolutionary in nature, dealing specifically with the huge global wealth disparity, which was so unexpected. I don't think the character of Catwoman has ever been placed in such a political framework; most of the stories I've read/watched have shown Selina to be a woman out for herself. Not that her actions didn't have political implications, but the driving force behind her actions wasn't political or revolutionary and she was never a character to work in concert with others, whether they be heroes or villains. I don't know how much to take from the trailer or if I'm seeing more than is there, but it seems that Selina Talia and Bane are apart of the same organization, one that is planning to reek havoc on Gotham city.

Truth is I've never liked Talia.
Well, let me rephrase; as a hardcore CatBat shipper I've never liked the way a certain writer has tried to position Talia al Ghul as Batman's one true love, particularly when the one most constant love interest of Batman's since he was created has been Catwoman. I know that in some comics Selina and Talia have been a strange kind of girlfriends thus seeing them together in the movie was a nice twist, but I've always had the hate-that-bitch-that always tryin'-to-make-the-moves-on-my-bestfriend's-man kind of feelings for Talia so I have my reservations but am generally looking forward to the movie.

Casting:
My feelings are divided I love Tom Hardy, I love Marion Cotillard, just like I loved Liam Neeson. But I hate Hate HATE that all these white actors are playing characters of color. Ra's al Ghul is Middle Eastern as is Talia al Ghul. But in Begins, Nolan changed it so that the character we thought was Ra's al Ghul (played by Ken Watanabe) dies and Henri Ducard is the real Ra's al Ghul. Which basically means he whitewashed the character. Of course Marion Cotillard is perfect for the part of Ra's daughter since she's French and Nolan made Ra's French in the first movie, but let's be real it's just more whitewashing. Then comes Bane, who is half-Latino half British. Of course Tom Hardy *is* British but where's the Latino? If even Bane's voice actors have always been of mixed/Latino heritage why couldn't Nolan have done the same?

I will go down with my ship...

2012-01-06T10:29:00.000-05:00

--fuckyeahdickgrayson

2012-01-02T06:33:00.000-05:00

fuckyeahdickgrayson:

304am:
2nd print! I hope it prints out alright. Featuring all the Robin there ever was. How people get 10 + prints done, I’ll never know.
“And a Batman needs a Robin no matter what he thinks he wants.”
*sniffle*

Fuck Yeah Dick Grayson!, Bruce’s actions as Batman are extremely...

2011-12-31T06:26:00.000-05:00

Bruce’s actions as Batman are extremely oppositional — He might be the World’s Greatest Detective, but overall he’s a crimefighter, and everything he does, from his training in martial arts right down to his costume, are built on physicality and intimidation. Robin, however, is rooted in an entirely different philosophy. Batman’s there to fight against crime for taking away his parents, but Robin’s role has barely anything to do with getting revenge against Boss Maroni for killing the Flying Graysons. He’s not there for vengeance, he’s there to help.

I think it’s actually a pretty poetic element that ties their actions into their origins: If Bruce had been a massive, intimidating martial artist who knew seven ways to disarm a thug from any position — one of which hurts — then he could’ve saved his parents from getting gunned down. All Dick Grayson’s parents needed, however, was a safety net.

“

—	Ask Chris #28: Robins, Robins, Robins [Comics Alliance]

Fuck Yeah Dick Grayson!, Bruce’s actions as Batman are extremely...

Fuck Yeah Dick Grayson!

2011-12-26T06:25:00.000-05:00

He’s lost his family in a way that perfectly echoes the tragedy that drives Batman, but with one crucial difference: When Bruce Wayne’s parents died, there was no Batman to help him. When Dick Grayson’s parents die, there is.

Batman doesn’t just help Dick track down the guy who killed his parents, he adopts him. He takes him in. Batman takes the place of his family, and in doing so, Batman also takes the first step in rebuilding his own family. And as a result, in one of the most brilliant evolutions of a character ever, Dick Grayson grows up to be a very different person than Bruce Wayne.

“

—	Ask Chris #80, ComicsAlliance Fuck Yeah Dick Grayson!

TDK Trailer - Lookin' Good...

2011-12-19T17:59:00.000-05:00

Robin is Necessary to the Batman Franchise...

2011-12-07T18:48:00.001-05:00

...if you want the franchise to be about Batman.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Why is it that the Batman movies always end up focusing on the development of the villains, no matter who's directing the franchise? People find evil more fascinating than good, the villain/anti-hero more intriguing than the hero, at least in our culture people see good as static, unchanging, you know, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." However I believe that one series, Naruto, has shown that to not necessarily be true. Also, the villain in each movie is a new character whose development is unknown. Basically there is stuff going on in the character's life that is plot worthy. Changes in his or her perspective, choices to be made, etc. The Batman problem is that once you move beyond the early years of Batman's career, there's something of a... plateau in his character. While he does face new enemies and new situations, once Batman/Bruce Wayne has figured out how he wants to be Batman, he's in a rut until something comes to shake him up.

The most obvious way to shake up Batman's life is to introduce a new love interest, preferably one that has dubious morals. Many writers have this done excellently with characters such as Catwoman, Andrea Beaumont, and Talia al Ghul (Whom I greatly dislike, but that's another post entirely. Let it suffice to say that her character serves its purpose.). However, Batman has mastered the art of love 'em and leave 'em (not to say that he hasn't been left as well). The problem here is that romantic dalliances are too easy to get rid of. Be an ass, get absorbed in "work", forget a few birthdays and monthly anniversaries, disappear in the middle of every other date, and basically be emotionally unavailable. It does hurt if Batman actually likes the person, but it's not hard to do, especially when he has a subconscious belief that he might not really deserve love working against him.

The one life-shaking commitment that Batman hasn't been able to get rid of are his relationships with his sons, and I believe that an objective read through of the comics and the cartoons will show that Dick Grayson is the person who remade Batman into Bruce Wayne. Before bring Dick into his home, Bruce could disappear into the cowl, and there's nothing that anyone--even Alfred--could do about it. Bruce's reasoning seems to be that with both romantic assignations and parental relationships, the people involved are adults; they got into a relationship knowing who he is and what he's after, so whatever pain they feel at his choices, while regrettable, is their choice to experience. They walked in and they can walk right out. The same cannot be said for the young boy that Bruce first gave shelter to, and the love and responsibility that he feels for Dick turns his internal world upside down. There's nothing that any writer has added to the Batman mythos that's been as effective at throwing Batman out of his character rut as introducing Robin. It pains me that a certain director is so set against including Robin because it's "unrealistic" (as if a man dressing up as a bat and revolutionizing crime and law enforcement in crooked metropolis because his parents were killed in front of him at nine years old is realistic).

That is not to say that I don't appreciate Mr. Nolan's vision; his Batman movies has completely revitalized the franchise and I love that he takes the story seriously, treats it like what it is-a story-and make the best story possible. If anyone can shake Batman up without Robin, it is Mr. Nolan, but--call me a doubter--I just don't think that's possible. And I do believe that that's why he is focusing on the beginning of Batman's career before he reaches that plateau that requires a Robin, when the shaping of Batman's identity is still very much in flux. I believe however that it may leave the franchise... incomplete and I worry that the next director of the franchise will not approach the franchise with the same skill or gravity. I am looking forward to the Dark Knight Rises (in my mind I call it Inception 2), so really it's nothing more than a waiting game since Mr. Nolan's tenure is almost up.

Black Girl, Light World X: The Help

2011-09-28T10:50:00.002-04:00

PURPLE = ME

GREEN= OTHER GIRL ON TUMBLR

It’s not a Disney movie. Trust me. And the woman who wrote the book WITH HELP FROM THE NAACP is far from racist. Trust me. Someone is looking to make a buck based on the fact that she wasn’t respected. I understand wanting respect, but WTF does money bring you?
What does it matter if the NAACP helped Kathryn Stockett? The fact is if one use the likeness of someone in a book or movie or the like, one has to 1) ASK THEIR PERMISSION and 2) PAY THEM
But apparently Stockett didn’t feel the need to do either, even though she is making money off of another person. If money doesn’t bring anyone anything, maybe Stockett shouldn’t make any money from her book/movie deal? If money wasn’t a big deal, why wasn’t Abilene Cooper notified in the first place?
A white person making money from a black person’s life and not feeling it necessary to ask them for permission and/or pay them from the proceeds… that sounds soooooo familiar! Where in history have we seen this before?
Also…
it is a Disney movie. As in, you know, distributed… by Disney.
American Psycho is a Disney movie then too. Lionsgate is owned by Disney. I guess Ed Gein’s family ought to beg Bret Easton Ellis for money because Patrick Batemen was based on him. Or perhaps JK Rowling’s best friend from college ought to get money from HER because Ron Weasley is his life with added magic. Want to bet if Katherine Stockett was a black woman who had done the same thing to Abilene Cooper would she be wanting money for it? Are the ancestors of the Borgias making a fuss over The Godfather?! Why..a Dago using the church for his personal gain! o.O It’s the Roman Empire being built all over again!
Yes…What Katherine Stockett did with “The Help” IS SOOOO akin to the atrocities of slavery, tortures of racism and the defamities of the entire history of the Black population since they were raped and robbed of their kingdoms and beautiful societies in Africa. Gimme a break. I saw as many fucking Black people in “The Help” screening as there were whites. I guess Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer and Emma Stone are racists too building on the White Supremacy of Miss Katherine Stockett.
Let’s break this down shall we?
“ I guess Ed Gein’s family ought to beg Bret Easton Ellis for money because Patrick Batemen was based on him.”
Well, no because he’s something of a celebrity/public figure meaning the facts of his life are a part of public record AND his right to privacy ended with his death AND all of the characters based on him were changed enough to not completely resemble the original person. If you want more info on personality rights and privacy rights, go here and here.
“Or perhaps JK Rowling’s best friend from college ought to get money from HER because Ron Weasley is his life with added magic.”
That’s between her and her friend. I’m sure she got PERMISSION to use his life them being, I don’t know, friends and all, which Stockett and Abilene Cooper were not.
“Want to bet if Katherine Stockett was a black woman who had done the same thing to Abilene Cooper would she be wanting money for it?”
It doesn’t really matter whether she would or wouldn’t. The point is that it’s her life and character that are on the page and she has the legal right to control and get contractually agreed upon compensation for the use of her life and character. If she wants to charge Kathryn Stockett for that use, it’s her prerogative.
“Are the ancestors of the Borgias making a fuss over The Godfather?! Why..a Dago using the church for his personal gain! o.O It’s the Roman Empire being built all over again! “
See pt. 1
“Yes…What Katherine Stockett did with “The Help” IS SOOOO akin to the atrocities of slavery, tortures of racism and the defamities of the entire history of the Black population since they were raped and robbed of their kingdoms and beautiful societies in Africa.”
Yes, what Stockett did is akin to the atrocities of slavery because it’s a part of that legacy. White people have a history of using Africans and African descendants (as well as other peoples) as free labor, sexual objects, and entertainment. In these modern and postmodern times where being called a racist is social self-harm, this act often finds its expression in taking the stories of black people—and others—and centering them around said white people, making themselves the hero of the story of the battle against racism and oppression (see revisionist civil war history, To Kill a Mockingbird, Avatar, The Blindside, Crash, and this article), when the reality is that black people have been fighting against racism mostly by themselves and these stories just exist to make white people feel less guilty.
Yes, there have been some white people who realized that white supremacy was evil but usually they joined the efforts of black people who were already fighting and they weren’t generally the leaders. Stockett’s creative works are just more of the same drivel. What makes it ironic is that her hypocrisy is blatantly exposed by the way she treats the actual real live black people that she used in her fictional books.
“I guess Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer and Emma Stone are racists too building on the White Supremacy of Miss Katherine Stockett.”
I think that they, like others (perhaps yourself?), would like to believe in the story that Stockett has presented and they have to choose what they feel is most important; fictional racial harmony that may inspire actual racial harmony or actual racial accountability. We apparently disagree. It happens. *shrugs*
TL;DR Guess I’m a racist giving money to the harsh crackah bitch making money off the backs of an entire race of people by being inspired by one woman’s life! Bad white girl…go to Hell for being RACIST!
I guess Eminem is a racist too for being a prolific rapper and making money off of something he “Stole” from black culture! o.O Bad white boy, get back heathen racist!
I’ve read through some of the things you’ve said on your Tumblr about white people. I understand the plight of blacks and other races, it’s disgusting and horrid. I’ve exeperienced it firsthand raising Indian children in a household where I was treated almost no differently than a Mamie but their culture. But you are filled with unjustified hatred for a race of people in the same way white people were unjustified in their hatred. Racism doesn’t just run in the “white” culture. You don’t think I haven’t been subjected to racism myself?

I don’t hate white people at all, and there are many white people that I love quite dearly. What I hate is whiteness and white supremacy. Not whiteness in the sense of being of European descent, but whiteness as the identity constructed to establish superiority over everyone else in the world. Europeans and European colonists never identified themselves as a singular group called white people until they as a group found other cultures that they wanted to exploit. The very idea of being white (versus black/brown/red/yellow) holds within it the ideas of white supremacy. Until Europeans reinvented themselves as white people they identified by their nationality and ethnicity. When Whiteness/Race came along so did White Supremacy/Racism. And unfortunately that’s what most of Western culture (especially American culture) is built on.

It’s “white” people’s refusal to look at their current culture and acknowledge the current disparities that keeps them locked in the racial frame of “the past”. And books like The Help only continue to whitewash the past and rose-tint the present; they add absolutely nothing to the continued growth away from racism.

We have made great strides in America I will never deny that. But it seems to me that both white and black people think that what progress has been gained cannot be lost, therefore they have no more work, no more strenuous self-examination to do. While they sit, stagnating, the progress that was gained recedes before this generations eyes. It is that make me righteously indignant.

Have you READ “The Help”? There is no white-washing at all. In ANY of it. And have you looked at “Black” culture? The glorification of self-hatred, misogyny and racism portrayed in movies and rap music and even Black literature? It is setting the strides of amazing activists like Maya Angelou, Colin Powel, Condaleeza Rice, MLK JR., Malcolm X, Langston Hughs, Barack and Michelle Obama, Bill Cosby, Lena Horne and other phenomenal Blacks in history back 40 million years.
Also..stories like “The Blind Side” were true. I guess white people can’t help black people either for fear they will all think we are doing it out of self-gain and not REAL altruism.

The fact that you think that the feel good book that is The Help is an accurate depiction of how the 60s was for black people and The fact that you seem to think those issues you listed are in any way unique to black culture and that fact you think that you as a privileged white person have the right to pass judgment on black cultureinstead of acknowledging how your culture has contributed to today’s realities is… both troubling and evidence of what I stated in my last post.

As to hip hop… the #1 consumer of popular hip hop is the white suburban male (here andhere and here) and they are the market that mainstream companies cater to.

It is white people that want to see black people hating themselves.

It is white people that want most to exploit and objectify black female bodies.

It is white people that want most to consume images of racism and violence among black people.

Chew on that.

As to the Blindside, yes it is a true story and an inspiring one at that. The problem lies -again- in the fact that stories such as those are the dominant narrative of Hollywood, rather than the reality of black families taking care of their own. Do you know how difficult it would be to get the same serious (not a comedy) movie made about a black family adopting or fostering a black child? Really? If a movie with Black people (not person, people, as in more than three) isn’t in a historical movie or a comedy then it’s that close to impossible to being produced.

______________________________________________________

Proving my point about Black people and films:

Paris.– US actor Danny Glover, who plans an epic next year on Haitian independence hero Toussaint-Louverture, said he slaved to raise funds for the movie because financiers complained there were no white heroes.
"Producers said 'It's a nice project, a great project... where are the white heroes?'" he told the press during a stay in Paris this month for a seminar on film.
"I couldn't get the money here, I couldn't get the money in Britain. I went to everybody. You wouldn't believe the number of producers based in Europe, and in the States, that I went to," he said.
D"The first question you get, is 'Is it a black film?' All of them agree, it's not going to do good in Europe, it's not going to do good in Japan.
"Somebody has to prove that to be a lie!", he said. "Maybe I'll have the chance to prove it."
"Toussaint," Glover's first project as film director, is about Francois Dominique Toussaint Louverture (1743-1803), a former slave and one of the fathers of Haiti's independence from France in 1804, making it the first black nation to throw off imperial rule and become a republic.

(from Dominican Today)

To Close:

"My biggest problem is that there is simply no creativity in movies with black casts at all. White people are 12 year old wizards, teens with crushes on vampires and werewolves, fighting blue people, talking fish and toys, and yet the best we get is a movie about the genteel south? Someone please make a movie about two black folks falling in love at a rock concert or a feature film about Storm from X-Men discovering her power, or something, ANYTHING, that goes beyond Black Pain (TM) / White Saviour (TM) movies. Sheesh."
—A commenter on “Why I’m Just Saying No to ‘The Help’” (via atrapforfools)

The problem isn't simply that Black women are playing maids in a film; the problem is that there's enough interest in Hollywood to make a film about Black maids serving white people (who are ultimately the heroes of these films), but there is no interest in making films about Black people overcoming that oppression or doing anything interesting at all really, especially if there aren't any white heroes at the center of the story. If white people aren't at the focus, it's not going to be supported. And that's a problem of white supremacy.

Black Girl, Light World IX: What Kind of Card is Race?

2011-09-12T12:48:00.000-04:00

What Kind of Card is�Race - Hot Topics - Danielle Belton's The Black Snob:

What Kind of Card is Race? The Absurdity (and Consistency) of White Denial By Tim Wise
Published on Counterpunch, www.counterpunch.org, April 24, 2006

"Since the O.J. trial, it seems as though almost any allegation of racism has been met with the same dismissive reply from the bulk of whites in the U.S. According to national surveys, more than three out of four whites refuse to believe that discrimination is any real problem in America (2). That most whites remain unconvinced of racism's salience--with as few as six percent believing it to be a 'very serious problem,' according to one poll in the mid 90s (3)--suggests that racism-as-card makes up an awfully weak hand. While folks of color consistently articulate their belief that racism is a real and persistent presence in their own lives, these claims have had very little effect on white attitudes. As such, how could anyone believe that people of color would somehow pull the claim out of their hat, as if it were guaranteed to make white America sit up and take notice? If anything, it is likely to be ignored, or even attacked, and in a particularly vicious manner.
That bringing up racism (even with copious documentation) is far from an effective "card" to play in order to garner sympathy, is evidenced by the way in which few people even become aware of the studies confirming its existence. How many Americans do you figure have even heard, for example, that black youth arrested for drug possession for the first time are incarcerated at a rate that is forty-eight times greater than the rate for white youth, even when all other factors surrounding the crime are identical (4)?...How many know that white men with a criminal record are slightly more likely to be called back for a job interview than black men without one, even when the men are equally qualified, and present themselves to potential employers in an identical fashion (6)?How many have heard that according to the Justice Department, Black and Latino males are three times more likely than white males to have their vehicles stopped and searched by police, even though white males are over four times more likely to have illegal contraband in our cars on the occasions when we are searched (7)?How many are aware that black and Latino students are about half as likely as whites to be placed in advanced or honors classes in school, and twice as likely to be placed in remedial classes? Or that even when test scores and prior performance would justify higher placement, students of color are far less likely to be placed in honors classes (8)? Or that students of color are 2-3 times more likely than whites to be suspended or expelled from school, even though rates of serious school rule infractions do not differ to any significant degree between racial groups (9)?Fact is, few folks have heard any of these things before, suggesting how little impact scholarly research on the subject of racism has had on the general public, and how difficult it is to make whites, in particular, give the subject a second thought.
Perhaps this is why, contrary to popular belief, research indicates that people of color are actually reluctant to allege racism, be it on the job, or in schools, or anywhere else. Far from "playing the race card" at the drop of a hat, it is actually the case (again, according to scholarly investigation, as opposed to the conventional wisdom of the white public), that black and brown folks typically "stuff" their experiences with discrimination and racism, only making an allegation of such treatment after many, many incidents have transpired, about which they said nothing for fear of being ignored or attacked (10). Precisely because white denial has long trumped claims of racism, people of color tend to underreport their experiences with racial bias, rather than exaggerate them. Again, when it comes to playing a race card, it is more accurate to say that whites are the dealers with the loaded decks, shooting down any evidence of racism as little more than the fantasies of unhinged blacks, unwilling to take personal responsibility for their own problems in life."

***emphasis added***

***for the complete article and notes click on the titles***

NOTES

(2) Washington Post. October 9, 1995: A22

(3) Ibid.

(4) "Young White Offenders get lighter treatment," 2000. The Tennessean. April 26: 8A.

(5) Bertrand, Marianne and Sendhil Mullainathan, 2004. "Are Emily and Greg More Employable Than Lakisha and Jamal? A Field Experiment in Labor Market Discrimination." June 20.

(6) Pager, Devah. 2003. "The Mark of a Criminal Record." American Journal of Sociology. Volume 108: 5, March: 937-75.

(7) Matthew R. Durose, Erica L. Schmitt and Patrick A. Langan, Contacts Between Police and the Public: Findings from the 2002 National Survey. U.S. Department of Justice, (Bureau of Justice Statistics), April 2005.

(8) Gordon, Rebecca. 1998. Education and Race. Oakland: Applied Research Center: 48-9; Fischer, Claude S. et al., 1996. Inequality by Design: Cracking the Bell Curve Myth. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press: 163; Steinhorn, Leonard and Barabara Diggs-Brown, 1999. By the Color of Our Skin: The Illusion of Integration and the Reality of Race. NY: Dutton: 95-6.

(9) Skiba, Russell J. et al., The Color of Discipline: Sources of Racial and Gender Disproportionality in School Punishment. Indiana Education Policy Center, Policy Research Report SRS1, June 2000; U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System: Youth 2003, Online Comprehensive Results, 2004.

(10) Terrell, Francis and Sandra L. Terrell, 1999. "Cultural Identification and Cultural Mistrust: Some Findings and Implications," in Advances in African American Psychology, Reginald Jones, ed., Hampton VA: Cobb & Henry; Fuegen, Kathleen, 2000. "Defining Discrimination in the Personal/Group Discrimination Discrepancy," Sex Roles: A Journal of Research. September; Miller, Carol T. 2001. "A Theoretical Perspective on Coping With Stigma," Journal of Social Issues. Spring; Feagin, Joe, Hernan Vera and Nikitah Imani, 1996. The Agony of Education: Black Students in White Colleges and Universities. NY: Routledge.

STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION IS ON NETFLIX WATCH INSTANTLY!!!!!

2011-07-08T23:08:00.001-04:00

An Update to "Black Girl; Light World II"

2011-04-01T10:01:00.000-04:00

HERE

Black Girl, Light World VIII: Vestiges of White Supremacy

2011-03-21T07:40:00.002-04:00

libertarians:

Interviewer: Black history month you find…
Morgan Freeman: Ridiculous.
Interviewer: Why?
Morgan Freeman: You’re going to relegate my history to a month?
Interviewer: Oh, come on.
Morgan Freeman: What do you do with yours? Which month is white history month?
Interviewer: (pause) Well, I’m Jewish.
Morgan Freeman: Okay. Which month is jewish history month?
Interviewer: There isn’t one.
Morgan Freeman: Oh, oh. Why not? Do you want one?
Interviewer: No.
Morgan Freeman: Right. I don’t either. I don’t want a black history month. Black history is American history.
Interviewer: How are we going to get rid of racism?
Morgan Freeman: Stop talking about it.

I love Mr. Freeman, but I have to disagree with him passionately on this point. Not talking about racism has never done anything but allow it to grow unimpeded. And this is my admonishment (I won't saay problem with, because that a bit harsher than what I intend and feel) to the previous generation, my father's generation. Honestly I think they just got tired of talking about it. Fatigue combined with the murder/imprisonment of so many different leaders as wells as the the "new" injustices of the Korean and Vietnam Wars lead the vast majority of that generation to put down the banner of anti-racism and say, "Well we've made these strides here with integration and affirmative action, etc. We're tired of saying it, they're tired of hearing it, and there are other "more important concerns, now."

I don't know if it was a case of not realizing that or not feeling like much could be done about the system of white supremacy that was still left in place, I'll have to read more memoirs/histories and such to get a better idea of the mentality of the 70s I guess. What in my opinion people forget is that the racist people of America didn't all just disappear or change their minds, especially those in with political and/or financial power.Think about it: many of the same people that were in power in 1957 were in power in 1977 (or the younger people that they had groomed for their positions). judges; policemen; federal, state, and local politicians; managers of various companies, real estate owners, military officers, mailmen, etc. The many of the same people with much the same attitude 20 years later. The power structures didn't change; on the whole those had done wrong before retained their positions of power. Now it was just less popular to be open about one's prejudices. And yet we are supposed to live in a post racist society? I don't have a problem with not talking about racism if there wasn't any anymore, but I have yet to see anything that would show that to be the case. In fact, there could be the argument made that we (America) is regressing instead of moving forward!

Black Girl, Light World VII: Interracial Adoption

2010-11-03T10:23:00.001-04:00

The thing is… adopting children from Africa *is* a fad in America, usually by White people. And my question would be “If, on the whole, White Americans cared about Black children that need families, why aren’t they adopting Black American children, the least likely children of all in America to be adopted?” This is not to say that you don’t care; what you told anonymous is true for me too, I don’t know you. But I think one of the reason that question was asked is because there is a lot of concern with Black children being adopted by White Americans, with good reason. Even well-meaning White parents cannot prepare their Black children for what it means to be Black in America. And often times those well-meaning parents have not dealt with the racism/prejudice/etc. in their own lives—that every American inherits if they don’t make a completely conscious, committed, and thorough effort to counter—before embarking on this venture, and that’s why they go so far away to adopt Black children. There is still a stigma on black people, especially African Americans.

I am not denying that many people feel a calling to certain area or people in that area, and from what I’ve read of your blog, East Africa seems to be that place for you. But as someone who cares, a better way to respond to anonymous’ question would be to address those concerns: yes, you understand that many people still have prejudicial ideas and they pass them on to their children, and anyone adopting children outside of their race needs to be extremely conscious of that *in themselves* and be ready to deal with whatever comes up, even if it touches on their own reasons for adoption, before/while they go ahead with this choice.

(Honestly anyone who is going to be a parent needs to be doing this, no matter their race or ethnicity, but the effects are exacerbated by interracial adoption and that’s a whole other blog post.)

On Finally Catching Up To Naruto Shippuden Ep. 177

2010-09-26T11:52:00.003-04:00

WARNING

**SPOILERS, SHAMELESS GEEKERY, USE OF THE WORD "LIKE" AS A DISCOURSE PARTICLE, AND CHARACTER WANKING**

YOUR NORMALLY ERUDITE BLOGGER HAS DEVOLVED INTO HER MOST BASE FORM...

A 12 YEAR OLD FANGIRL

ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK

So I just finished watching Naruto, and I am entirely caught up on hulu. I've spent the last month on a Naruto binge from Naruto #59, all the way through that series and up to Naruto Shippuden #177 (that's 338 episodes or 112.7 hrs if anyone wanted to know), and I have to say that it has become one of my favorite anime series if not my favorite anime... ever. And it has been an extremely emotional ride. I admit to crying. A lot. During the Naruto/Sasuke fight at the hospital, during the Valley of the End fight, ALL during Gaara's story, when Naruto finally found Sasuke at Orochimaru's hideout but couldn't bring him home, at the end of Menma's story, during Itachi's story which effected me the most of all (OMG I was honestly sobbing, like not even like, "Oh, I'm shedding a tear at this sad moment," but like actually crying: making-the-ugly-face-and-not-being-able-to-breathe crying. It was embarrassing).

Because I've just been watching Naruto in the last month, I'm not really into the fan scene but I have noticed people hating on Sasuke, but it wasn't until Itachi's death that I understood why there was so much Sasuke hate floating around. Until then, Sasuke had been my favorite character but now... Itachi has my heart, man, for real, best big brother of the fictional world ever. I hadn't cried so hard since the end of Nabari no Ou, and please don't let me go into that! By that time in th show, I just wanted a cuddle party with my favorite tragic characters (Itachi, Lucciola & Dio, Miharu & Yoite, Menma, Haku, and Kimimaro, Kyoya, and the Hiitachin twins can jump in to fill the spaces :P). And let's not forget the Shikamaru/Asuma arc AND when both Naruto and Kakashi saw their dads, yeah, I couldn't stop the salty flow then either. (Strangely, I didn't cry at Jiraiya's death because it came too soon after the Hotaru/Utakata thing, at which I also shed copious tears and I was just too cried out). I'm not usually this much of a crier and I can't blame it on PMS because that was ALL month long, so I guess the repetition of the "this is a really sad moment" musical theme works a little too well, at least on me. Plus most watchers have time to decompress after the dramatic moment but I was just pushin' on through.

All in all, even though there were times I wanted the story to speed up and Naruto as shinobi Jesus was a bit of a stretch for me, I really enjoyed this... experience and I really like the character development of the series. It's been a fun month, if a bewildering one for everyone else living in my house ("What?! Yes! F*** you, Orochimaru! He said before these eyes, b*tch, before THESE eyes! WHAT NOW? OH? You're dying? YOU'RE DYING? How does it feel, HUH, how does it feel!? What? Immortal? No, I don't think so; I mean, maybe it's just me, but it looks like YOU'RE DYING!" and other random outbursts, and I don't curse like, ever; Naruto definitely had me on edge!)

Good Stuff

2010-08-21T21:32:00.000-04:00

I hope I'm Doing This...

2010-07-27T09:47:00.002-04:00

(edited and reposted from 5/31/09)

Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.

Niels Bohr

New Book from One of My Favorite Teachers at FSU!

2010-07-26T14:01:00.007-04:00

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Cookie-and-Me/Mary-Jane-Ryals/e/9780981949567

Mo' Music

2010-07-22T07:53:00.002-04:00

1. To Lose My Life by White Lies
2. Don't Die in Me by Mirah
3. There, There by Radiohead
4. Barcelona by Soft Complex
5. The Sparrows and the Nightingales by WOLFSHEIM
6. Drowning in You by Pluramon
7. Binary Love by The Rakes
8. To the Sky by The Cure
9. Thursday by Asobi Seksu
10. Fuschia by The Mission Veo
11. Stairway to heaven ("In Concert" Live Version) by Led Zepplin
12. What Do You Go Home To by Explosions in the Sky
13. Where Does the Good Go by Tegan and Sarah

Some of My Favorite Songs by One of My Favorite Artists

2010-07-05T18:33:00.002-04:00

Black Girl, Light World VI: "Post-racist" Racism in Fashion

2010-07-05T11:00:00.000-04:00

Instead of opening with a quote or beating around the bush or building my argument step-by-polished-step, I'm just going to come right out with it:

It is not cute.
It is not fashionable
It is not ironic.
It is not artistic.

It is racist.

In an industry that is still entrenched in racism, how can anyone think that blackface is okay? I could almost ALMOST understand that thought process if the fashion industry was known for being racially equitable. But it's not.
In fact, this industry is notorious for being one of the most obviously racist. And this begs the question of why blackface?

Several of the comments on the articles about blackface assertively posit that this act in fashion has nothing to do with the history of blackface, but one of the thing these people forget is that the use of blackface to mock Black people isn't "history,"

example 1
example 2
example 3
example 4
example 5
example 6

It happens now in this day and age and not as infrequently as one might think. This insistence to revive racist practices while claiming not to be racist strikes me the same way as the White people who are so eager to justify their supposedly nonracist use of the n-word. My question is why are you so eager to use it? If you are so nonracist why are you so eager to revive the obviously prejudicial behavior of the past? Why is it such an issue that you MUST use blackface? Why not violetface, greenface, or burnt-indigo-vermilionface? No one has been able to come up with a satisfactory answer--or any answer--that I have been able to find in search of blackface in fashion. If someone want to point me in the right direction so I can know the reasoning behind these choices, I would greatly appreciate it.

Why paint models to be darker skinned when there are already models with darker skin? They aren't "representing" Black people are required to do that. They aren't "representing" anything but stereotypes of people's cultures. They aren't trying to inform bring awareness to others' cultures because the most logical thing to do there again would be to find, I don't know, actual Black models. The only thing being done is misrepresenting images of black people and blocking black models from jobs they should have since their skin tones are OBVIOUSLY what's needed for that particular show/shoot.

Oh that's right I forgot, it's those pesky African phenotypes, you know the fuller lips, broader nose, perhaps a flatter bridge, differently shaped bodies that challenge the reigning boyish (nonexistent) figure ideal. Things that might mess up the designer's artistic (read starving androgynous Aryan) vision.

"So," the fashion industry says, "we have a few black models, we've let them succeed. We've met our quota and that gives us license to do whatever the heck we want! We're not racist anymore even though we often state specifically that we only want Caucasian models for runway shows, and feature Caucasian models more than anything in magazines, even though there are more than enough models of color looking for work. Tyra Banks did the blackface thing, so even though we are still racist and hate letting more than a few Black models through our couture lined gates, it's okay for us to perpetuate false images of Blackness (in an artistically ironic way, of course) and deny real images of Blackness in a single stroke."

The fact remains that Blackface is offensive. It is offensive BECAUSE IT OFFENDS PEOPLE. There is no reason, logical or artistic for putting people in blackface and it offends people. If it wasn't offensive, I and the others who have already done so wouldn't be writing blog posts about how it has offended them and others wouldn't be agreeing. Stop the madness!

In conclusion let me post a quote from Womanist Musings that is more eloquent than I can be on this topic:

When “Hey Hey It’s Saturday Night” did it, they defended their actions by saying that Australia is culturally different. When Chuck Knipp decided to dress in drag and perform the Shirley Q Liquor show, he claimed to be celebrating Black women. It was such a celebration that he named Shirley’s nineteen children after venereal diseases and discount stores. Not to worry, Knipp is a gay White male and as such could not possibly have any kind of bias or privilege. There is also the infamous example of Blackface spearheaded by negro sell out Tyra Banks on “America’s Next Top Model”. And every Halloween, some jerk decides that Blackface constitutes a costume.

Each incident is followed with a faux apology and the statement that the guilty party either did not know that Blackface is offensive, or that they didn’t mean to be offensive. Sometimes it is claimed that this art, and therefore; falls outside of the normal bounds of human decency. While I agree that good art challenges boundaries, when it reaches the point of reducing the humanity of another, it is no longer art; it is a defacto statement of White supremacy...
No matter what the situation is, Whiteness will always defend its right to oppress as evidenced by the comments on this story:

Oh diddims... so people like Beyonce and Rihanna can get lightened, wear fake hair and air brushed to the max no one flutters an eyelid but when it's the other way round there is an up roar.

PC gone mad.. get lives people!

its not racist then when a black women straightens her hair and dyes it blonde,is it racist when whites go on the beach to get a tan,for Gods sake get a life

This is so stupid. If a melanin rich model or normal person on the street wears a fairness cream ( common in India) or tries to lighten her complexion , no one gives a hoot...but THIS causes a furore...
There is a continual refusal to put actions like Blackface into historical context because to do so, Whiteness would have to own its crimes against people of color. Skin lightening creams are extremely toxic and yet people use them because they have internalized a White standard of beauty. It is an act of self hatred, whereas; Blackface is designed to specifically humiliate people of colour. The two actions do not have the same goal, and yet they are placed side by side to justify racism...
Blackface has always been offensive and will continue to remain that way. When you ignore the anger of a group of people to their obvious marginalization, it is because you have already decided that your privilege is worth more than their sense of self and humanity.

2010-07-02T12:07:00.000-04:00

From the Love Isn't Enough Blog by Tami Winfrey Harris

emphasis and reformatting is my own

"This little thing most black women do–
covering up their real hair texture pretty much from cradle to grave,
sometimes with hair from women of other races;
aggressively speaking negatively about coarse and kinky hair;
never learning how to properly and easily care for unstraightened hair;
avoiding everyday activity that might cause straightened hair to revert to its natural state–
is ugly self-hatred that we pass on to future generations"

Black Girl, Light World V: Black Authors/Characters in Speculative Fiction

2010-06-25T18:15:00.006-04:00

A few nights ago I was doing my usual Youtube surfing for tutorials on natural hair care and styling, when I came across the above video by AFR0STORY and she poses a question/situation that I've also pondered a a lot over the years.

I love speculative fiction in general, and fairytales & epic/high fantasy in particular. Those are the types of stories that lead me into wanting to write and the stories that instill inspire a creative spirit in me. I grew up reading and sci-fi and fantasy were the genres that I always turned to for something intriguing to read. It didn't escape my notice that most of the characters (all of the characters) were white people, or elves as white people, various aliens as animals or white people, dwarfs as white people... yeah.

I know that that affected me as a kid wanting to write speculative fiction because all my characters were at least racially ambiguous with light skin, if not white. I hadn't even really noticed that that was something I was doing. I was just writing the same types of characters that I read about in these types of books. It wasn't until I was in my late teens, that I began to question the status quo in the books I was reading--therefore questioning my own writing--and made a conscious decision decision to change that.

Part of the reason there aren't many black characters in spec-fic is because that aren't many black authors of spec-fic. Just go to wikipedia and look up spec-fic authors, then spec-fic authors of color. The difference in length between those two lists are drastic and telling. And it's kind of vicious cycle, black kids don't see characters who represent them in this genre of fiction, so they don't read those books and certainly don't care about writing them, therefore there aren't many black authors to make black characters sci-fi and fantasy. Some noted exceptions are Octavia Butler (obviously), Jeremy Love (graphic novel Bayou and others), Nalo Hopkinson, Tananrive Due, and Nnedi Okorafor (there are more, and if you're curious wikipedia is a good place to start).

I know that one of the problems that I run up against as a fantasy writer is that fantasy relies heavily on cultural mythological motifs and archetypes, and though I grew up with European fairytales as the model to work from and I'll be honest, Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, The Red Shoes, Rapunzel, etc are close to my heart, those stories that are close to my heart don't represent me as a Black person or as an American (though I see that White people have no problem with identifying with princess even though there aren't any American royalty... none explicitly stated as such though there is certainly a privileged class) and when I do write a story with a black character, I don't want to just drop them in a traditionally European setting and call it a day. I want the world I build to be reflective of the background of the characters in it. But while I am African American, I am not African either, and stories about Anansi or Ituen and the King's Wife don't awaken the same... nostalgia, the same emotional investment in me, and I don't know if that's a failing on my part, if it's something I should strive to change or just realize that--for me-- this is a part of my African American experience. I learn and read about them because I do want to know, even need to know the stories of people everywhere, but they are just as unreflective because they don't relate to the culture that AAs have grown up in for the last 400 years. For me, framing a story has become difficult. Often, I have felt caught between a rock and a hard place. Where are my myths to draw from?

One writer that has helped me be much more flexible in the way I think of myth and incorporate that in my stories is Jeremy Love. Bayou is one of the best stories I've ever read and Love structures the story using traditional Southern folktales and myths and while I was reading it online (don't worry, I'm buying it and Vol. 2 as soon as I get my 2nd paycheck!) it was like something shook loose in my mind. I can do this differently. I can mix and match. So fine, this story reaches out to you, this other character, and that setting. I can mix it all in if I want to, I just have to "make it work." I do want to familiarize myself more with the works of the Black authors above, and glean from them how to approach what, for me, is a conundrum.

One of My Favorite Videos

2010-06-18T23:50:00.002-04:00

This is Me Being Real

2010-06-09T20:42:00.003-04:00

I have had it drilled into my head for the last six years to be real, so here it is:

I am angry that a close friend of mine did my sister wrong and lead her along until he got booty-blinded by a mixed girl
I am angry that that mixed girl was also a friend of my sister's and that neither of them feels the need to realize/admit their wrong
I am angry that the above close friend chose that girl over my sister even though she is continually a bitch
I am angry that he thinks himself so alternative, when in reality he is just alternative enough
I am angry that the above mixed girl and another mixed girl whom I also grew up with, have a superior attitude over me and my sisters who are "100%" black (as if any African American can ensure that they are 100% anything), and treated my sister like less than because she was not a virgin--
even though they were also sexually active and giving their boyfriends head and letting them finger them, and struggled in other ways sexually. The above couple now act like they are the holiest purest things ever and when people commend them for that, they never mention that they struggled to wait in any way. But still treat my sister like less than because everyone knows about her but no one knows about them.
I am angry that those girls patronized me for years because I wasn't a threat to them, what with me being fat, black, and unattractive
I am angry that I still feel beholden to them because they were there for me and my sisters when my mom died, even though they have continually done us wrong since then
I am angry that certain people feel like they can say whatever they want and attack people's character in a soft voice and feel that they aren't being aggressive, but a darker-skinned person who speaks louder than they do is aggressive even if the comment itself is not in any way an attack on their person or character.
I am angry that all my white and mixed acquaintances are getting married or at least in stable relationships, but there is only one black girl in sight with a good man interested in her.
I am angry that this is the status quo at every single "multicutural" church I've been too
I don't understand what happened to my friendships, well maybe I do. Superiority and Inferiority complexes kept people from truly trusting each other, and even though there was opportunity for change many of us dropped the ball. And over the years nothing changed.
I don't understand why all this can't just be in the open. The fact us people don't like to own up to their behavior and they especially don't like being accused of racism/colorism, preferential treatment, whatever.
I wish all those girls would have the experience my sister had in Peru so they could gain some understanding. (Until recently, I was the darkest person in this group of friends; when they all went on a trip to Peru, Peruvians would come up to my sister and say "Your friends are so beautiful" or ignore her altogether as they fawned over the light-skinned mixed girls. On that trip she came to understand how I felt a lot of the time when I was out with the girls, because here in the U. S., while she has recognizably African features she is considered red-boned enough to be attractive, and she is actually an attractive woman; but in Peru she was considered way too dark/ethnic-looking to be really attractive).
I think it is ironic that a lot of the issues that have cropped up in these relationships have to do with race, even when almost all of the people in these relationships self-identify as black and as Christians. I think it is ironic because I believe that this may be the #1 least dealt with topic in the American church today and even intraracially, the effects of racism can be seen in a bunch of young Southern African Americans who want to love God, want to love each other, and love music.

Eternity is my desire

2010-06-06T09:07:00.004-04:00

”He hath set eternity in their heart,” said the Preacher, and I think he here sets forth both the glory and the misery of men. To be made for eternity and forced to dwell in time is for mankind a tragedy of huge proportions. All within us cries for life and permanence, and everything around us reminds us of mortality and change. Yet that God has made us of the stuff of eternity is both a glory and a prophecy yet to be fulfilled.

A. W. Tozer--Knowlegde of the Holy

2010-05-14T23:35:00.001-04:00

JANUARY 3, 2010

From Servant to Son--Galatians 4:1-7 esv

¹I mean that the heir, as long as he is a child, is no different from a slave,^[a] though he is the owner of everything, ²but he is under guardians and managers until the date set by his father. ³In the same way we also, when we were children,^(A) were enslaved to the elementary principles^[b] of the world. ⁴But^(B) when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son,^(C) born^(D) of woman, born^(E) under the law, ⁵^(F) to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive^(G) adoption as sons. ⁶And because you are sons, God has sent^(H) the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" ⁷So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then^(I) an heir through God.

Music of the Day

2010-01-19T12:33:00.002-05:00

Drowning in You by Pluramon

Can you hear me call?
Did I take too long?
Is it dark or bright?
Can you see me falling down?
I'm drowning in you, my dear
If I turn back time ,
If you were all mine
I am feeling cold, I don't want to be here where it's lonely
Did I need too much? I can't feel your touch
Have I paid my dues? Why can't I go back to you?
Think I hear your voice, I don't have a choice
So I'm going home ruby river flowing as I'm going
where I'm not alone

2009-12-02T13:21:00.002-05:00

Here's a sample passage by anthropologist and naturalist Loren Eiseley. It's from his essay called "The Hidden Teacher":
. . . I once received an unexpected lesson from a spider. It happened far away on a rainy morning in the West. I had come up a long gulch looking for fossils, and there, just at eye level, lurked a huge yellow-and-black orb spider, whose web was moored to the tall spears of buffalo grass at the edge of the arroyo. It was her universe, and her senses did not extend beyond the lines and spokes of the great wheel she inhabited. Her extended claws could feel every vibration throughout that delicate structure. She knew the tug of wind, the fall of a raindrop, the flutter of a trapped moth's wing. Down one spoke of the web ran a stout ribbon of gossamer on which she could hurry out to investigate her prey.
Curious, I took a pencil from my pocket and touched a strand of the web. Immediately there was a response. The web, plucked by its menacing occupant, began to vibrate until it was a blur. Anything that had brushed claw or wing against that amazing snare would be thoroughly entrapped. As the vibrations slowed, I could see the owner fingering her guidelines for signs of struggle. A pencil point was an intrusion into this universe for which no precedent existed. Spider was circumscribed by spider ideas; its universe was spider universe. All outside was irrational, extraneous, at best raw material for spider. As I proceeded on my way along the gully, like a vast impossible shadow, I realized that in the world of spider I did not exist.

This is how a lot of people treat God, even though he steps in multiple time in their lives, they ignore him and denounce the idea of him as irrational, extraneous, at best a man-made idea, wrought in order to bring order and peace to a world full of absurdity. They rarely seem to consider the possibility that we could also be like spiders aware only of our own world until we add up the occurences in our and others lives and begin to wonder about the why and how.
Fortunately for us God is not like the human in the short story. He has the ability and the desire to communicate with us and give us a picture of who He is. Not only that but He became one of us to show that He is there there is meaning to life, there is something--Someone--outside of ourselves.

Beauty for Ashes

2009-11-29T16:54:00.001-05:00

Beauty for Ashes:

My Views on Tattoos & Piercings

Scriptures dealing with tattoos, piercings, and the like

nose ring-- Genesis 24:21-23, 29-31, 46-48

²²When the camels had finished drinking, the man took a gold ring weighing a half shekel, and two bracelets for her arms weighing ten gold shekels, ²³and said, "Please tell me whose daughter you are. Is there room in your father’s house for us to spend the night?"
⁴⁶She quickly let down her jar from her shoulder and said, 'Drink, and I will give your camels drink also.' So I drank, and she gave the camels drink also. ⁴⁷Then I asked her, 'Whose daughter are you?' She said, 'The daughter of Bethuel, Nahor’s son, whom Milcah bore to him.' So I put the ring on her nose and the bracelets on her arms. ⁴⁸ Then I bowed my head and worshiped the LORD and blessed the LORD⁾the daughter of my master’s kinsman for his son.
the God of my master Abraham, who had led me by the right wayto take
⁴⁶She quickly let down her jar from her shoulder and said, 'Drink, and I will give your camels drink also.' So I drank, and she gave the camels drink also. ⁴⁷Then I asked her, 'Whose daughter are you?' She said, 'The daughter of Bethuel, Nahor’s son, whom Milcah bore to him.' So I put the ring on her nose and the bracelets on her arms. ⁴⁸ Then I bowed my head and worshiped the LORD and blessed the LORD, to take the daughter of my master’s kinsman for his son.
the God of my master Abraham, who had led me by the right way

nose jewel-- Isaiah 3:16-23

¹⁶ Moreover the LORD says:
      “ Because the daughters of Zion are haughty,
      And walk with outstretched necks
      And wanton eyes,
      Walking and mincing as they go,
      Making a jingling with their feet,
       ¹⁷ Therefore the Lord will strike with a scab
      The crown of the head of the daughters of Zion,
      And the LORD will uncover their secret parts.”
       ¹⁸ In that day the Lord will take away the finery:
      The jingling anklets, the scarves, and the crescents;
       ¹⁹ The pendants, the bracelets, and the veils;
       ²⁰ The headdresses, the leg ornaments, and the headbands;
      The perfume boxes, the charms,
²¹ and the rings;
      The nose jewels,
²² the festal apparel, and the mantles;
      The outer garments, the purses,
²³ and the mirrors;
      The fine linen, the turbans, and the robes.

nose jewel-- Ezekiel 16:11-13

¹¹ I adorned you with ornaments, put bracelets on your wrists, and a chain on your neck. ¹² And I put a jewel in your nose, earrings in your ears, and a beautiful crown on your head. ¹³ Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen, silk, and embroidered cloth. You ate pastry of fine flour, honey, and oil. You were exceedingly beautiful, and succeeded to royalty.

pierced-- Exodus 21:5-7

⁵ But if the servant plainly says, ‘I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free,’ ⁶ then his master shall bring him to the judges. He shall also bring him to the door, or to the doorpost, and his master shall pierce his ear with an awl; and he shall serve him forever.
⁷ “And if a man sells his daughter to be a female slave, she shall not go out as the male slaves do.

markings, tattoos-- Leviticus 19:27-28

²⁷ You shall not shave around the sides of your head, nor shall you disfigure the edges of your beard. ²⁸ You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor tattoo any marks on you: I am the LORD.

How does this apply to me?

One of the uses of all forms of jewelry, including nose rings in the Bible, is decoration for brides-to-be, brides, and married women. Even God uses this cultural custom to show how He betrothed Himself to Israel and cared for her in her youth. He also used it to show how He would remove the high status that they had placed on themselves, as judgment for being haughty, idolatrous, and unjust/oppressive.

As far as tattoos go, in the Old Testament the Israelites were strictly forbidden to mark themselves (some translations infer that that was specifically for the dead) and also forbidden from cutting themselves for the dead.

Earrings could be jewelry but were also a sign of devotion of a slave to his master, as every seven years slaves were to be freed. If the slave wanted to stay with his master he would have his ear pierced with an awl.

Piercing is not disallowed by Scripture
Tattoos were along with shaving the beard in a certain way. It was apart of The Law
As a Christian I am not under Mosaic Law. Not because it has passed away but because Jesus has fulfilled the requirements of The Law and most Christians understand this. However it must be understood thatwe as Christians do not live under any part of The Law

Galations 3

¹ O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you that you should not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed among you as crucified? ² This only I want to learn from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith? ³ Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh? ⁴ Have you suffered so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain? ⁵ Therefore He who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you, does He do it by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?— ⁶ just as Abraham “believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.” ⁷ Therefore know that only those who are of faith are sons of Abraham. ⁸ And the Scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, preached the gospel to Abraham beforehand, saying, “In you all the nations shall be blessed.” ⁹ So then those who are of faith are blessed with believing Abraham. ¹⁰ For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse; for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who does not continue in all things which are written in the book of the law, to do them.” ¹¹ But that no one is justified by the law in the sight of God is evident, for “the just shall live by faith.” ¹² Yet the law is not of faith, but “the man who does them shall live by them.” ¹³ Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”), ¹⁴ that the blessing of Abraham might come upon the Gentiles in Christ Jesus, that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.

I used to wonder if I was holding onto the idea of being, for lack of a better term, "tatted up" (that's my song!) and pierced because, "'All things are lawful for me,' but not all things are helpful. 'All things are lawful for me,' but I will not be enslaved by anything." I didn't want to be enslaved by my desire for body art/decoration--which is how I see tattoos and piecing--I don't understand how people can not want art that is meaningful that they carry with them the rest of their lives. Art means that much to me, and to have something that is so personal and so beautiful and so creative on your body always. To me that's just... wow!

And people who are against tattoos always want to bring up 1 Corinthian 3:16-17 (Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? ¹⁷If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.) and it's as if they forgot that the temple was beautifully embellished with tapestries and embroidery and covered absolutely covered in gold. Body modification has nothing to do with destroying and everything to do with celebrating God's creativity by expressing our own and appropriately adorning the temple of the Holy Ghost.

Anyway I was praying about it and god brought to me one of my favorite verses, Ezekiel 16 and He told me that my desire for these things was because of what He had done in my life and that these adornments were just physical evidence to remind me of the beauty He had given me for the ashes of my life. They are to remind me that I am wedded to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the Lover of my soul. And my heart was settled. But this is just my personal experience, I'm not saying that this is so for everyone. But the scripture above do show that scripturally there's no reason for anyone to regard piercing or tattoos as a sin. It's a personal choice to have them or not.

My response to the question below

2009-11-26T01:18:00.001-05:00

"I wanted to ask my readers' opinions on this statement--not because I don't know what to think about it--but because I am curious about the diversity of opinions that might be out there. What do you think? Is homemaking unsuitable employment for some women? Are there any cases when it is fitting for a women to work outside the home? Or are all women called to stay at home? Was the Women's Liberation Movement a good thing because it gave women "options"? Or should women only have one option--staying home?"

My problem with the "keepers at home" mentality is first one of translation. In Titus 2 that word does NOT mean someone who only ever stays at home or only works out of the home. It just means some who does keep the affairs of the home:

   1. the (watch or) keeper of the house
   2. keeping at home and taking care of household affairs
   3. a domestic
(courtesy of-- http://www.biblestudytools.com/lexicons/greek/nas/oikouros.html)

None of those above definitions of the phrase "keeper/worker at home" in Titus are exclusive of other work outside the home, and when we take a look at another example of Biblical womanhood--the Proverbs 31 woman--she is doing many things that can be and usually are done outside of the home including owning, overseeing, and working land; owning businesses; providing for her family; providing for the poor; and so on.

The difference between her attitude/the attitude Paul gives in Titus and 1 Timothy and the attitude of today's working woman is the focus on the family and not on fulfilling selfishness. Both husband and wife should do what they can to stay close to home and raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The problem isn't that woman are so focused on working outside the home; it's that both men and women have placed their careers above nurturing a healthy family.

It started with men placing more importance on their careers than their families, but as long as the woman has stayed home everyone thought the family situation was still strong. Now that women are also in the work place and the faults in this paradigm are being revealed, the blame is being placed at women's feet, but that's not enough.

Physically present but emotionally and spiritually absent husbands/fathers are at the base of the situation and only when the entire package is addressed will families be healed. Please notice that the ending verses in the book of Malachi aren't talking about or to mothers but about/to fathers.

This is not to say that I don't think that a wife and mother's primary place is at home. It is to say that I think that that is a father's primary place as well. Both husband and wife should work together to be at home with the family as much as possible.

As to women who aren't married yet, they should be preparing themselves for whatever God has for them, whether that's working or going to school or doing missionary work. They should be perfecting the talents and skills that God has given them and asking God where He would lead them, the same as an unmarried man would be doing at that time in his life.

Malachi 4:6

And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the

children,and the hearts of the children to their

fathers,lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.

Reevaluation: The Unexamined Life

2009-10-28T22:30:00.000-04:00

Right now I really don't know who to trust anymore. I feel very confused. For one reason or another (a lot of one reason or anothers) a lot of the people that I've considered friends for the past few years of my life have shown themselves to not be the most reliable. And that's been my closest circle; I don't have the emotional energy to create in-depth relationships with a ton of people to I've concentrated on this circle for awhile. And now, as I'm nearing the end of my undergraduate experience I don't know if I did the right thing. SHould I have invested more in my "college experience" especially when it was already difficult to intergrate into FSU being a junior transfer student. Should I have spent more time at work and on campus ratther then being with my friends doing art together and at home chilling. Maybe that's the real culprit in all the this. The time that I could have spent being with people but was instead spent on ff.net and polyvore and facebook, etc. But all of my time spent there was recovering from all the emotional investing because I'm honestly not that kind of person. I prefer to be alone with my books and music or with a *very* select few people. And after being around a lot of people all day and expending intellectual energy at school I want to come home and not do that anymore. But I've also neglected the time I needed to spend with God. Has all that resting away from people meant resting away from God too? Yes. And that's not right.
If I really feel that I can't involve myself in people like that that's fine and dandy but I have priorities and they are this:

God
Family/Home
School
Writing and Poetry

If I am spending more time developing relationships (hanging out) with people that aren't even that trustworthy and not enough time on the four above points then I have a problem and I need to realign my priorities
To be able to do the above I need a job and that's a fact so #5 would be Work. Who am I? What am I doing? What have I been doing these past 5 years? I know I learned something Jan. - Jun of '07 but where has that learning gone? At the end of the One Thing internship they tried to tell us that we would NEED to learn how to prioritize our time if we were going to continue in a life a prayer and i've found that to be unutterably true these 2-3 years since then.

Dear Father I ask you to help me do what's right with my time. So often I get overwhelmed just thinking about everything that needs to be done and then I just shirk all my responsibilities to escape the feeling of powerlessness, but Lord I know that's not the right way to face it. SHow me what to cut ou God. Turn my eyes from worthless things I pray. Show where you want me to go and what you want me to do, because my vision is cloudy and I don't know what the end goal is, specifically for me. There are so many things in my heart and I don't know what to do to accomplish them.

Things to cut out

television: watch 2 or 3 shows a week and that's it. Cut out movies unless they are special (Precious, The Great Debaters, etc.) and add to your education/knowledge (documentaries)
Fanfiction.net: this site takes up so much of your time that could be spent on your own writing or reading things that contribute to your understanding of God, life, etc. Adnthere is so much on there that is not Godly
Polyver: ditto. While there is some artistic benefit to the site, you spend too much time not utilizing that part and instead on ce\ovetting clothes and other material things.
Downgrade your netflix to one movie out at a time and out all the documentaries/bible movies at the top of your queu

Other things that need to be done

Pay off all library fines
Clean and organize your room so that you can actually find all the lost books and any other things you need
On Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday have Dad drop you off at the gym in the mornings with your student ID; fear of failure and fear of ridicule is no reason at all to stay where you are physically. "God has not given me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind"
Pay off all debts. Start saving as much as you can towards your student loan debt.

I can't write this anymore (never say I can't) i don't want to write this anymore. Even contemplating all the thing I need to change overwhelms me. I feel lik it's impossible. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" "My God shall supply all my needs according to His riches and glory. He shall give his angels charge over me, for Jehovah Jireh cares for me."

I'll come back to this later I have homework to do...

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Visit my Cafepress Shop!

2009-10-21T11:04:00.004-04:00

Puttin' out a BOLO

2009-09-18T00:15:00.003-04:00

Anyone.
Anywhere.
Please, help me.

I am on looking for good Voltron fanfiction, specifically for Sven x Allura pairings, which are extremely hard to find. If anyone has any links please send them my way.

A new song.

2009-09-16T10:56:00.004-04:00

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; for the LORD knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.
Psalms 1:1-6

(completely unrelated to the post below, lol)

~~~

This morning (5/24/09) the praise and worship team had a discussion after practice about choice of songs for the service. My sister, who is the drummer complained that the songs didn't move her, she felt we should be playing different songs, blah, blah, blah.

The response from the rest of the worship team was that my youngest sister needed to pray, because maybe she has a problem and needed to focus on fixing that because it's the words of the song, the message that mattered.

On one hand I agree and understand that praise and worship is not a musical performance. Our focus should be on God and the words of the song which are to him and about him.

However, if the music didn't matter we wouldn't play it or sing it at all. If only the content of the song was important then we would only recite the words. The music of a song can add or detract from the time of outward communal praise, and it is the job of the leader to determine--correctly--which songs will do so in the best way and convey the message that God wants the praise team to at that time.

Not only that but the skills of the praise team aren't being used to the fullest and that is a shame. The phrase "new song" is mentioned in the Bible 9 times. David, the premier psalmist of Bible established a highly trained group of musicians and psalmists to worship before God and write music for worship (2 Samuel 6, 1 Chronicles 13-16), and apparently God liked it enough to want to restore that to children of Israel and to Gentile believers (Amos 9:11, Acts 15:12-21).

I do not think that relying only on music to create a soulish fleshly reaction in worship is appropriate, please note. However, I do believe that worshipful expression should, and even must, lead to new congregational and devotional music as we grow individually and collectively in our relationship with God and instead of stifling that and going for the easiest path (playing old standbys so that no one has to learn new music, even though you know for a a fact that the congregation is going to drag this song into the ground) worship leaders should be promoting and encourage other praise team members to pray and worship and write as the Holy Spirit leads.

2009-09-16T09:58:00.001-04:00

"Christianity is the story of how the rightful King has landed, you might say in disguise, and is calling us all to take part in His great campaign of sabotage."
-- C.S. Lewis --

One of My Favourite Passages

2009-09-14T11:43:00.004-04:00

Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the LORD say, "The LORD will surely separate me from his people";

and let not the eunuch say, "Behold, I am a dry tree."

For thus says the LORD: "To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,

who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant,

I will give in my house and within my walls a monument

and a name better than sons and daughters;

I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.

"And the foreigners who join themselves to the LORD, to minister to him,

to love the name of the LORD, and to be his servants,

everyone who keeps the Sabbath and does not profane it,

and holds fast my covenant-- these I will bring to my holy mountain,

and make them joyful in my house of prayer;

their burnt offerings and their sacrifices will be accepted on my altar;

for my house shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples."

Isaiah 56:3-7

2009-05-31T12:01:00.002-04:00

Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work. So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
2 Timothy 2:21-22

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When God speaks to you in a way you can understand, you should treasure those words and instruction, value them

Quote of the day/week/month/whatever

2009-05-31T04:05:00.001-04:00

Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.
Niels Bohr

2009-05-30T09:49:00.000-04:00

Today a friend told me to finish well
I can't remember the last time I finished well...
actually I can. It was swhen I graduatetd with my A. A. in Winter 2006
I had a great last semester. I don't know what happened to me after that.
It seems like I just... fell off. Maybe I thought that since I
was done there I was just done with everything. But I'm not and I wasn't.
I still have a lot left to do in my life and I can't just accept
the habit of slacking off towards the end. That's not going to
fly and it's already been getting me in trouble. God, I'm sorry that I'm such a slacker and irresponsible
Please help me to change. I know I have to put in the work to do so
and I think I'm--finally--ready. In Jesus name, Amen.

Hebrews 12--ESV

Jesus, Founder and Perfecter of Our Faith

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and^(A) sin which clings so closely, and^(B) let us run^(C) with endurance the race that is^(D) set before us, ²looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith,^(E) who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising^(F) the shame, and^(G) is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Do Not Grow Weary

³^(H) Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or^(I) fainthearted. ⁴In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. ⁵And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

   ^(J) "My son,^(K) do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
   nor be weary when reproved by him.
⁶For^(L) the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
   and chastises every son whom he receives." ⁷It is for discipline that you have to endure.^(M) God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? ⁸If you are left without discipline,^(N) in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. ⁹Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to^(O) the Father of spirits^(P) and live? ¹⁰For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good,^(Q) that we may share his holiness. ¹¹^(R) For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields^(S) the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
¹²Therefore^(T) lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, ¹³and^(U) make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint^(V) but rather be healed. ¹⁴^(W) Strive for peace with everyone, and for the^(X) holiness^(Y) without which no one will see the Lord. ¹⁵See to it that no one^(Z) fails to obtain the grace of God; that no^(AA) "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; ¹⁶that no one is^(AB) sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. ¹⁷For you know that^(AC) afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.

A Kingdom That Cannot Be Shaken

¹⁸For you have not come to^(AD) what may be touched, a blazing fire and darkness and gloom and a tempest ¹⁹and^(AE) the sound of a trumpet and a voice whose words^(AF) made the hearers beg that no further messages be spoken to them. ²⁰For they could not endure the order that was given,^(AG) "If even a beast touches the mountain, it shall be stoned." ²¹Indeed,^(AH) so terrifying was the sight that Moses said, "I tremble with fear." ²²But you have come to^(AI) Mount Zion and to the city of the living God,^(AJ) the heavenly Jerusalem, and to^(AK) innumerable angels in festal gathering, ²³and to^(AL) the assembly^[a] of the firstborn who are^(AM) enrolled in heaven, and to^(AN) God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, ²⁴and to Jesus,^(AO) the mediator of a new covenant, and to^(AP) the sprinkled blood^(AQ) that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel. ²⁵See that you do not refuse him who is speaking. For^(AR) if they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, much less will we escape if we reject him who warns from heaven. ²⁶At that time^(AS) his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised,^(AT) "Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens." ²⁷This phrase, "Yet once more," indicates^(AU) the removal of things that are shaken—that is, things that have been made—in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain. ²⁸Therefore let us be grateful for receiving^(AV) a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus^(AW) let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, ²⁹for our^(AX) God is a consuming fire.

Feminism Is a Lie...

2009-05-13T20:27:00.007-04:00

for the most part.

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(LifeWire) -- "What do you do all day?" is a question Anne Marie Davis, 34, says she gets a lot.

Stay-at-home wives represent a growing niche, according to the author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Women."

Davis, who lives in Lewisville, Texas, isn't a mother, nor does she telecommute. She is a stay-at-home wife, which makes her something of a pioneer in the post-feminist world.

Ten years ago, she was an "overwhelmed" high school English teacher. "I didn't have time for my husband, " she says, "and I didn't have a life."

She presented the idea of staying home to her husband, a Web engineer. "I told him it was something I wanted to do, and he supported it. It was a great relief."

Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Women," says stay-at-home wives constitute a growing niche. "In the past few years, many women who are well educated and trained for career tracks have decided instead to stay at home," he says. While his research is ongoing, he estimates that more than 10 percent of the 650 women he's interviewed who choose to stay home are childless.

Daniel Buccino, a Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine clinical social worker and psychotherapist, says stay-at-home wives are the latest "status symbols."

"It says, 'We make enough money that we both don't need to work outside the home,'" he says. "And especially with the recent economic pressures, a stay-at-home spouse is often an extreme and visible luxury."

June Cleaver, minus Beaver and Wally

Davis says her life isn't luxurious. "Tuesdays are my laundry day," she says. "I go grocery shopping on Wednesdays and clean house on Thursdays." Mondays and Fridays are reserved for appointments and other errands.

But her schedule also allows for charity work and leisure: reading, creative writing and exploring new hobbies, like sewing.

It's a lifestyle, Davis says, that has made her happier and brought her closer to her husband. "We're no longer stressed out," she says; because she takes care of the home, there are virtually no "honey-do" lists to hand over.

Stay-at-home guilt

"If you told me years ago that I was going to be a stay-at-home wife, I would have laughed at you," says Catherine Zoerb, 27. Yet after the Wichita, Kansas, resident finished graduate school in 2005, she found herself unemployed, childless -- and strangely happy. With her husband's support, Zoerb decided to just stay home.

"I was able to clip coupons, do all the chores and make nice dinners," she says. "I was much less stressed and tense."

But she was concerned, too -- about not using her master's degree in English and how future employers would view her work history. "I worried about gaps in my resume," she says. And there was something else: "I thought about the feminist movement -- all those women who worked so hard so that I could go out and have a good career, and I was kind of saying 'no thanks.'"

Recently, Zoerb took a temporary job at an engineering firm. It will boost her resume, and although the Zoerbs don't need the money, it will help pay down their mortgage. Still, she hopes to return to stay-at-home wifedom soon.

"I'd never say that a woman shouldn't work," she says. "But I don't see what good it would do to work in a job that I couldn't stand, and if I have the choice not to, why wouldn't I take that opportunity?"

Retro marriage, 21st century-style

"Everyone seems to be OK with women staying home when they have kids," says Davis, who currently doesn't plan to have children. "I've actually heard people say that women who don't work are a drain on society."

Don't be too quick to judge, says Haltzman. Women might give up a job to focus on an advanced degree, pursue artistic or creative goals, or deal with health issues.

Surprisingly, though, Haltzman says the biggest draw is homemaking itself. "Many women I talk to take care of the household seriously, and they want to focus on caring for the home, whether or not it involves children."

Sometimes a wife's desires don't align with her husband's. "I hear frustration from men whose wives choose not to work," Haltzman says, "but only if there are financial stresses. One of the realities is that few men appreciate the scope and difficulties of managing a household."

Kirk Zoerb is an exception: The 27-year-old engineer says he's happiest when his wife is jobless.

"When Catherine stays at home, I feel the house is more together because she has the time to do things like in-depth cleaning and can be more attentive to the garden," he says. "She also has more time to find good deals at secondhand stores, garage sales and at grocery stores." As a couple, he says, "we have more energy and are generally emotionally healthier."

Still, "I don't believe that the woman has to be the exclusive cook, cleaner or shopper, and I don't believe the man must be the breadwinner. I wouldn't mind staying at home while Catherine works!"

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I am amazed at the amount of hate for women who choose to stay at home. Why? I understand if you disagree with this lifestyle but let's talk about it, argue the pros and cons, etc. Saying things like "paid house whores", "lazy", "taking advantage", "trophy wife", "socialite", etc. This is not mere disagreement, there seems to be actual hate from people who commented on this article towards people they don't even know for making a decision in their lifestyle that works for them and don't effect others and is not a moral issue. How does this make sense?

The fact that women might be happy doing something traditional apparently threatens some people's worldview so much that they have to lash out.
Calling the women lazy belies the fact that taking care of a home, even without children, is a full-time job. People actually employ others to do that job. Feminism wasn't supposed to be about chaining women to the work force. I thought the point of it was "choice". Which only proves the fact that feminism isn't about giving women choice. It's about making women men, because instead of disagreeing with the lie of patriarchy that women are basically worthless, feminism agrees with the lie and says, "Well let's be like the men instead. To prove our worth, we must do anything and everything a man does, and do it better."

What feminism should have done is instead say that women are intelligent and can do anything but don't have to be worthwhile. While our we can do many things, our work in the home as is worthwhile as a man's work outside the home and is essential to the continued cohesion of society, as shown from the changes in society since both parents have entered the work force and schools became nannies.

Sharing the Hilarity

2009-05-13T16:49:00.002-04:00

2009-05-05T23:53:00.006-04:00

You Are Graffiti

You are a very expressive person. You couldn't keep your opinions to yourself, even if you tried.
You have a unique take on life. You question authority figures and the status quo.
You believe that art should be everywhere and that everyone is an artist.
The best art is the stuff you run across in everyday life... not in a museum.

What Type of Art Are You?

A Treasure found on Wikisource--Thanks be to God for the internet

2009-05-05T21:33:00.001-04:00

Spiritual Maxims
by Jeanne Marie Bouvier de la Motte Guyon

Whom shall he teach knowledge? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk and drawn from the breasts.--Isaiah 28:9

SPIRITUAL MAXIMS.

* 1. To rob God of nothing; to refuse Him nothing; to require of Him nothing; this is great perfection.[1]

* 2. In the commencement of the spiritual life, our hardest task is to bear with our neighbor; in its progress, with ourselves, and in its end, with God.

* 3. He that regards self only with horror, is beginning to be the delight of God.

* 4. The more we learn what humility is, the less we discover of it in ourselves.

* 5. When we suffer aridity and desolation with equanimity, we testify our love to God; but when He visits us with the sweetness of his presence, He testifies his love to us.

* 6. He that bears the privations of the gifts of God and the esteem of men, with an even soul, knows how to enjoy his Supreme Good beyond all time and above all means.

* 7. Let no one ask a stronger mark of an excellent love to God, than that we are insensible to our own reputation.

* 8. Would you exert all your powers to attain Divine Union? Use all your strength for the destruction of self.

* 9. Be so much the enemy of self as you desire to be the friend of God.

* 10. How are we directed in the law to love ourselves? In God with the same love that we bear to God; because as our true selves are in Him, our love must be there also.

* 11. It is a rare gift to discover an indescribable something, which is above grace and nature; which is not God, but which suffers no intermediate between God and us. It is a pure and unmixed emanation of a created being who is immediately connected with the Uncreated Original, from whom he proceeds. It is a union of essence with essence, in which nothing that is neither can act the part of an intermediate.

* 12. The ray of the creature is derived from the Sun of the Divinity; it cannot, however, be separated from it; and if its dependence upon its divine principle is essential, its union is not less so. O wonder! The creature which can only be by the power of God, cannot exist without Him, and the root of its being, that nothing can come between or cause the slightest separation. This is the common condition of all creatures; but it is only perceived by those whose purified faculties can trace the grandeur of their centre, and whose interior, freed from the defilement that covered it, begins to return to its origin.

* 13. Faith and the cross are inseparable: the cross is the shrine of faith, and faith is the light of the cross.

* 14. It is only by the death of self that the soul can enter into Divine Truth, and understand in part what is the light that shineth in darkness.

* 15. The more the darkness of self-knowledge deepens about us, the more does the divine truth shine in the midst.

* 16. Nothing less than a divine operation can empty us of the creature and of self, for whatever is natural tends constantly to fill us with the creature, and occupy us with ourselves. This emptiness without anything distinct, is, then, an excellent sign, though it exist surrounded by the deepest and, I may say, the most importunate temptations.

* 17. God causes us to promise in time of peace what He exacts from us in time of war; He enables us to make our abandonments in joy, but He requires the fulfilment of them in the midst of much bitterness. It is well for thee, O Love! to exercise thy rights; suffer as we may, we will not return to self, or if we suffer because we have done so, the remedy for the evil is to devote ourselves afresh with an enlarged abandonment. Strange malady, the cure of which is only to be found in a worse! O Lord, cause me to do whatever Thou wilt, provided I do only thy will?[2]

* 18. How hidden is the theology of Love! O Love, Thou sulliest to excess what Thou wouldst raise to the heights of purity! Thou profanest thine own sanctuary; there is not left one stone upon another that is not cast into the dirt. And what shall be the end? Thou knowest it from the beginning; it is worthy of so great a Workman that his work should be hidden, and that while He seems to destroy, He should accomplish it the most effectually.

* 19. Ah Lord! who seest the secrets of the heart, Thou knowest if I yet expect anything from myself, or if there be anything which I would refuse to Thee!

* 20. How rare is it to behold a soul in an absolute abandonment of selfish interests, that it may devote itself to the interests of God!

* 21. The creature would willingly cease to be creature if it could become God; but where shall we find one willing that God should resume everything He has bestowed without receiving anything in return? I say everything, and everything without reserve, even to our own righteousness, which is dearer to man than his existence, and to our rest, by which we enjoy self and the gifts of God in self, and in which we place our happiness, without knowing it. Where shall we find an abandonment that is as comprehensive as the will of God, not only when accompanied by delights, illumination, and feeling, but under all circumstances and in fact? O it is a fruit of Paradise that can scarce be found upon the earth!

* 22. God is infinitely more honored by the sacrifices of death than by those of life; by the latter we honor Him as a great Sovereign, but by the former, as God, losing all things for his glory. This is the reason why Jesus Christ made many more sacrifices of death than of life; and I suspect no one will gain all without having lost all.

* 23. Reason should not undertake to comprehend the last destructions; they are ordained expressly to destroy our reason.

* 24. God has means more efficient, more conducive to his own glory, and more edifying for souls, but they are less sanctifying. These great and dazzling gifts are very gratifying to nature, even when it seems to give way beneath their weight, and thus nourish its secret life; but distresses, continual dyings, and unprofitableness for any good, crucify the most vital parts of the soul, which are those which prevent the coming of the kingdom of God.

* 25. In our solemn feasts, some strive to do something for Thee, O my God! and others, that Thou mayest do something for them; but neither of these is permitted to us. Love forbids the one and cannot suffer the other.

* 26. It is harder to die to our virtues than to our vices; but the one is just as necessary as the other for perfect union. Our attachments are the stronger as they are more spiritual.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Dreams Deferred

2009-04-26T10:07:00.008-04:00

Friends have been asking me why I haven't really been playing the violin lately (lately meaning the last 6 months or so). And to be honest I haven't really known myself. My answer was just that I've been concentrating on my writing, which I have. But yesterday afternoon, while listening to Capitol Speedway (r.i.p.), I finally realized what the problem was. I am apart of an artistic community that, while striving to include everyone we meet, tends to attract those that are more into hip hop, neo-soul, blues, reggae, and African music. At the birth of this group I struggled to include more rock, hardcore, but that's difficult because I play the violin which is not a chordal instrument (it's harder to write music on) and I'm not a songwriter as much as a poet/lyricist. So even when I write lyrics if I go to someone in the group to write music it's not going to come out sounding anything close to the way intended. After awhile though I got really tired of it. I was definitely valued as a musician but not as a creative voice and that has bothered me.

I don't know where to go from here. I think I need to learn guitar. But more than that I've been discouraged. I guess I'll have to be the one to bring this change and diversity in the group. But I don't even know if that's what God wants me to do. So I'm abandoning this dream at His feet. It hurts because this is who I am and I'm not even allowed to be that anymore.

2009-04-26T02:06:00.002-04:00

You know, there's one thing I hate; it's going to someone's house when they invite you and feeling unwelcome when you get there. Especially compared to the other guests. It's like, "why am i here? why did I come?" I thought I was coming to have fun and hang out with friends but I'm feeling more and more like an odd-numbered wheel. Again, why ask me to come if you don't even like me? I feel... played. Like people are laughing at me when I'm not looking. Laughing at not with.That's another feeling I hate. I like things to be out in the open. You don't like me t,hat's fine. But let's not pretend.

Then again maybe I'm just taking things too personally. I don't want to be doing that. But somehow I don't think that's what it is, I don't think I'm conjuring offense out of thin air.

The longest survey ever

2009-04-08T18:19:00.000-04:00

[] I think I'm really attractive.
[] I prefer winter over summer.
[x] I am a geek.
[] I am a shopaholic.
[x] I am reasonably intelligent.
[] I am attracted to girls.
[x] I am attracted to boys.
[x] I like British accents.
[] I smoke regularly.
[] I smoke socially.
[x] I drink socially.
[] I drink regularly.
[x] I get drunk easily.
[] I do "drug(s)".
[] I will never date a bad kisser
[] I've lied to avoid kissing them again.
[] I brush my hair at least 50 times a night
[x] I am religious.
[] I am not religious but have morals.
[x] I lie frequently.
[x] I am impulsive.
[x] I am hardworking.
[] I loved Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
[] She's All That is one of my favourite movies.
[x] I am good at History.
[]I speak more than two languages.
[x] I enjoy taking pictures.
[x] I like spending money on myself.
[x] I like spending money on others.
[x] I have a regular income.
[] earn money on a job-by-job basis.
[] I pay my own bills.
[x] I rely on my parents for money.
[x] I can cook.
[] I enjoy cleaning.
[] Tidiness is a must in my life.
[x] I like clutter.
[] My idea of good music is Britney Spears.
[x] I am fashion-conscious.
[x] I have good taste.
[x] People tell me I have good taste.
[x] I am told I have yet to fulfill my potential.
[] I am good at sports.
[] I am good at certain sports.
[x] I couldn't do sports to save my life.
[x] I am creative.
[x] I am extremely artistically inclined.
[x] I want to be an artist when I grow up.
[] I want to be an engineer when I grow up.
[x] I eat when I'm upset.
[] I cannot adapt to change.
[x] I am interested in politics.
[] I have shoplifted.
[x] I download MP3s.
[] I have done underage drinking.
[] I have gone underage clubbing.
[x] I can dance reasonably well.
[] I can dance extremely well.
[] I dance like a cardboard gorilla.
[] I can sing.
[x] I sing like someone stepped on my foot.
[x] I can swim.
[x] I enjoy surveys.
[x] I enjoy surveys when I'm bored.
[x] I keep a journal.
[] My teachers don't like me.
[x] I enjoy controversy.
[x] I have a thing for bad boys/girls.
[] I have tattoos.
[] I've been in a nudist colony.
[] I'm not sure if I want to have children.
[] I'm not sure if I'll get married.
[] I know who I will marry.
[] Someone has a crush on me.
[x] I am interesting.
[] I am a good liar.
[x] People enjoy talking to me.
[x] I annoy people from time to time.
[] I am a born leader.
[] I am a born leader but shouldn't lead.
[] I've snuck out of the house.
[] I enjoy felching
[] I have a foot fetish.
[x] I have a shoe fetish
[x a few times] I watch Sex And The City.
[] I don't think Sarah Jessica Parker is pretty.
[] I want to be J Lo.
[] I cut myself.
[x] I have cut myself.
[x] I hate people who pretend to be suicidal.
[] I hate popular people.
[x]I think cheerleading is a sport.
[] I am photogenic.
[x] I live in Chucks.
[x] I think graffiti is art.
[] I have dated a criminal.
[] I have been cheated on.
[] I have cheated on someone.
[x] I have a temper.
[x] I like playgrounds.
[x once or twice] I dance in the rain.
[] I am obsessed with Shakespeare.
[] I have tanlines.
[x one of them] My favourite color is pink.
[x one of them] My favourite color is black.
[] I would classify myself as emo.
[x] I am musically inclined.
[x] I like listening to music.
[] I like music-blasting cars.
[] Thongs are comfortable
[x] I like flip-flops.
[x] I know what monogamy is
[x] and I believe in it.
[] I want to be a social worker when I grow up.
[x] I have sibling[s].
[x] My siblings annoy me
[x] I think South Park is funny.
[x] I prefer Google
[x] I can sit Indian Style
[] I own a cat
[] I plan on owning more.
[x] I read a lot.
[] I've cheated on a test.
[] I've let someone cheat off of me on a test

Have you ever...
[x] been drunk.
[] smoked pot.
[] kissed someone.
[x] rode in a taxi.
[] been dumped.
[] shoplifted.
[] been fired.
[] been in a fist fight.
[] broken a bone
[] got hit by a car.
[] snuck out of your parent's house.
[] been arrested.
[x] gone in a mosh pit.
[x] stolen something from your school.
[] celebrated new years in times square.
[] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[x] had a crush on a teacher.
[] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[] been to europe.
[x] skipped school.
[] thrown up from drinking.
[] lost your sibling.
[x] played 'clue'
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[] cheated on a bf/gf.
[] been cheated on.
[] had your tonsils out.
[x] had a car
[] totalled a car

DO YOU ...
[x] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[x] feel happy.
[] hate yourself.
[] think you're attractive.
[x] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[] listen to Hawaiian Music
[x] listen to underground hip hop
[x] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[] listen to country.
[x] listen to reggae.
[x] listen to techno.
[x] have hobbies
[x] have more than 1 best friend.
[x] get good grades
[x] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers
[x] wear boxers
[x] wear black eyeliner.
[] like the color blue.
[x] like the color pink.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[] have long hair
[x] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[] have a laptop.
[] have a pager

ARE YOU ...
[] ugly.
[] pretty.
[x] okay.
[] Handsome.
[x] bored.
[x] happy.
[] bilingual.
[] Hawaiian.
[] Samoan.
[] Filipino.
[] Korean.
[] British.
[] white.
[x] black.
[] mexican.
[] asian.
[] short.
[] tall.
[x] realistic.
[] sick.
[] mad.
[x] lazy.
[x] single
[] taken
[x] looking
[] not looking.
[] talking to someone.
[] IMing someone.
[x more scared of how than the actual thing] scared to die
[x] hOrny.
[x] tired.
[x] sleepy
[] annoyed.
[x] hungry.
[x] thirsty.
[] on the phone.
[] in your room.
[x] drinking something.
[] eating something.
[] in your pjs.
[x] ticklish.
[] listening to music.
Thats all about me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-16T23:32:00.000-04:00

Writing a poem a day keeps writer's block away... Really? I don't think so.

So apparently, I'm "not obsessed, you just don't care enough!"

and I looked so hawt with my mohawk. So bad behind. I miss it. But I also miss my Jill Scott natural hotness afro days. I hate this in-between period where I'm tempted at every turn to cut my hair again, so at least it will look the way I like it, but knowing that if I want length I'll have to let it be. Arghhhh!

Black Girl, Light World IV

2009-03-14T13:02:00.004-04:00

Come Away With Me

My father prays to God
that I would straighten my hair
a relaxer, a pressing comb, a flat iron,
anything but this!
but I tell him that God gave me this hair.
It seems He has already spoken.

I once turned my hair into the enemy, the devourer of my children, to be hunted down, tamed, managed, and suppressed. But it rose again, month after month; like Kunta Kente, generation after generation, a name that held the meaning of our roots. It resisted being turned into a socially and professionally accepted Toby. It refused to accept the lie that heaven equals length and circle shaped follicles and it embraced the Shulamite as a dark-skinned wonder, though still insecure in her beauty. She--like me--forgets that her Lover never once mentioned the the tents of Kedar. He only He only ask that she come away with Him. Come away.

So when my father prays to God
that I would straighten my hair
a relaxer, a pressing comb, a flat iron,
anything but this!
I tell him that God gave me this hair.
It seems He has already spoken.

The above is a poem I wrote for my Adv. Poetry class (a lot of material for this blog seems to come out of that class). It's still in the editing stages do this *series* of blogs is hair and as a subject that has actually been a focus of mine academically for a year or so and personally for the past 6 years (since I went natural). I went natural basically because my cousin Ricky convinced me to. While at the time he was a major pothead, he was also embracing his African-ness, and locking his hair, etc., basically "going all Afrocentric" as some have put it. His older sister Duwana was also the first woman that I actually knew who had natural hair. So I came home from Vero with a new desire to accept myself as I was. This also coincided with my introduction into Gothic subculture and I think the two fed off each other (rebelling against generally accepted standards of beauty).

At first I still got texturizers because I didn't really know how to handle my hair but as of two years ago I'm about as natural as it can get. For once I haven't even colored my hair. Before this becomes confused, I am not against hair straightening, in and of itself. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I experiment with my hair texture, color, and style with abandon, I will encourage anye and everyone else to do so, and I will try just about anything once, usually twice. My problem with relaxers is that this phenomenon in the African American community comes from a culture of racism and self-hate.

It's not that one day someone woke up and said, "Hey, I wanna try a new hairstyle, I'll get my hair straightened!" If that were the case I would be totally for it. Why not have fun trying different things? The problem is that historically black people, and by extension black features/phenotypes, have been associated with evil, barbarism, stupidity, poverty, unprefessionalism, and basically any other undesirable trait you can name in the Western societies. In an effort to further themselves in society, black people began to try to divorce themselves as much as possible from some of the more obvious features, hair being one, skin color being another, though that was more difficult and dangerous (we could talk all day about skin lightening creams, made to "even and brighten skin tone" but that's another discussion). And it's not as though this is just a problem in the African American community (watch this ad).

If you want to look at the historicity of the above statements, here are some links:
One
Two

One of the first ways other Black women respond when I point this out is by saying, "Look, that's not the reason black women straighten their hair now. It's just easier to manage and it's apart of our culture now. It has nothing to do with wanting to be white." In fact, I had a conversation about this recently and that's exactly what the lady I was talking to said. But a few minutes later she was talking about how it was time for her to get another perm and she (jokingly) said something to the effect of "I leaned my head against the wall in class and I could feel a pillow under my head... I felt my hair and was like 'it's straight African American under there, that is not what you want.'"

Let's go over that again shall we?

"It's straight African American under there..." one would hope so, both she and I being African American
"That is not what you want." why... not? Aren't you African American? Why do you feel the need to erase evidence of that fact?

And I think this reveals the true nature of the issue, which is:

#1 The fact that the majority of African American women straighten their hair cannot be divorced from it's origins as a way to conform to white standards of beauty, especially since it's not as if racism and colorism have been erased from our society,as much as we wish it was so. It's not just--or I would propose, even mostly--about "management"and ease.

#2 The "manageability" argument is racist anyway. For thousands, of years Africans "managed" their hair by braiding it, locking it, shaving it, and using other methods that are intrinsically African, because of the uniqueness of out hair texture. It was not until we were taken away as slaves that managing our hair became a problem and that was only because white people didn't know how to manage our hair and we lost that kowledge in the struggle to survive. It did not fit into their cultural standards of manageability. And that's okay! Not how we got to the West, or our subsequent treatment, but if the majority of a people have straight to slightly curly hair it's understandable that they won't know what to do with coily hair. But that doesn't make the hair unmanagable--impossible to manage-- that means that someone is ignorant of the techniques used to "manage" it.
Plus manage is such an ugly word. It implies that whatever it is that needs to be managed is wild and undesirable and needs to be caged, sedated, toned down, repressed, etc. I do not believe that this is even a godly way of thinking about our hair, much less healthy.

(to be continued...)

To Do List

2009-03-05T14:20:00.004-05:00

Personal writing wise, I am currently focused on three projects

the importance of modesty
the myth of adolescence
colorism/racism, especially the way it affects the relationships and self-esteems of women

I've already done 2 posts on the colorism issue and am working on a third and I am now reading a wonderful book called "A Return to Modesty" and have written a few poems about that. Those will probably be posted in the next month or so. Or maybe I'll post them in The Book of Style. That's just to say what's going on with me lately. Any of these blogs should be up soon.

Black Girl, Light World III

2009-02-21T11:49:00.018-05:00

"Identity is found in the God we trust/ Any other identity will self destruct"
Lecrae,"Identity," Rebel

The above quote encapsulates an idea I was taught a year or two ago and is now actually being fully realized in my life. To continue from the last post: When one's identity is tied into the world's paradigm, identity cannot be.. whole? Anything else in life is subject to change. People stop loving you, you lose your job, you might lose the ability to do your art, and so on. Plus, none of those things are totally satisfying anyway. No one thing encapsulates all of who we as individual humans are and to keep up that illusion that it does, we have to limit ourselves and limit each other.

When my identity is tied into what the world says is beautiful, it is damaging whether I can live up to that or not, in my case not. I can't love the people I am supposed to because I'm too busy thinking of where they are in relation to me on this completely unrealistic and racist standard. Feeling smug about the people I might be better than and harboring hatred for the people I'm supposedly worse than is not the way a Believer in Christ is supposed to live. Only in freedom surrendered to Him can I break the chains of flesh that have tied me down and made me want to tie down others.

Being a child of God is so... transcendental. It is more identity than anyone could ever need. What does it matter that tot hem I am not beautiful when to the only objective One I am, everyone is! He made us in a way that caused us to be different than each other and He takes delight in each and every difference. Each and every uniqueness. Why should we hate each other? Why should we hate ourselves?

This blog entry is a lot more scattered than I wanted it to be, but I couldn't put off writing any longer to straighten it out. I guess the next thing I want to talk about in relation to this subject is hair. It plays a very strong role in my life as a Black woman and I think in many Black women. In a way, it defines us racially since skin and hair are the most obvious differences between Caucasians and African Americans.

*Another blog about our identity in Christ*

Black Girl, Light World II

2009-02-16T15:34:00.008-05:00

My assignment last week for Adv. Poetry Workshop was to do something I normally don’t. And to be honest I don’t really think I fulfilled that, though I did stay home on Sunday morning which I never do. I have also been confronting a prejudice that I’ve observed that I have a few months ago. I have definitely fallen into the trap of colorism (internalized racism). I have aughts against myself for looking the way I do and I have aught against others, specifically light skinned black woman and biracial women.

I realized this for the first time when I was thinking about a friend of mine that I met in an internship in Kansas City and looking at some of her pictures on Facebook from before she came to the internship. My friend had very long (middle of the back) hair which she usually wore pressed (straightened with a flat iron or hot comb). Before she came to KC, before I met her, she cut it very short, as in she only had about 1 inch of hair all around.

Now I’ll have you know that my friend is very sweet and wonderful and she’s a great jazz pianist and I loverher and I know this. But, to my own shame, when I was first saw the pictures of her in Seattle before she cut her hair my first thought was, “B*tch.”

My next thought was, “If you had come to IHOP with long straightened hair, I would have thought exactly what I think now, and I never would have spoken to you.”

My third thought was that I was incredibly surprised by my own reaction. I am a progressive and accepting young adult. I know better than this. Why would I feel this way or have these hidden prejudices? Isn't this something I should have moved beyond by now?

I don’t know what it’s like in other areas, but in the South racism and colorism are alive and well, and I can say that I have been treated differently because I’m black and because I’m darker skinned. Also around here a lot—not all, maybe not even most, but a lot—of mixed girls are very not nice people and treat darker females like they’re crap on a stick. Men prefer them. They are the ones who are featured in hair magazines and on TV. And from about 10 years old, they learn that they can rub it in your face. If you ask people to name 5 beautiful black women at least 2 of them are more likely than not to be mixed and the other 3 will be light skinned. It can be tiring and discouraging at the very least, especially when all your closest female friends are mixed and your two younger sisters are very light complexioned. Which means that every time we have girls’ night out I watch my friends and my sister being watched and hit on. People used to try to talk to me sister all the time and I pretend I wasn’t standing right next to her. I don’t only blame that on the skin thing; I am overweight. But it’s not like I don’t have friends who are bigger than I am who don’t attract a lot more attention.

Without realizing it, over the years I’ve come to harbor a lot of bitterness and envy and it’s kind of hard to discover that when I’d once thought I was above that kind of thinking and behavior.

It’s funny because my sister went to Peru last year with this same group of mostly mixed/light friends. And when she came home she came to me and said, “Now I know how you feel here at home,” because here my sister goes to the nearby HBCU and as I said she is very light skinned and she falls into the category of desirable female. However she does have distinctly African features (wide nose with an almost flat bridge and full lips) and my friends don’t. In Peru, my sister fell outside of the purview of desirable female, as women with distinctly African or Aboriginal features aren’t considered as beautiful as women with more European features in many South American countries, including Peru. Every where they turned people where saying “Oh your friends are so beautiful!” Men were trying to talk to them, but all while ignoring my sister. First of all, how rude is it to walk up to someone and say “Your friends are beautiful,” but not compliment the person? While I understand that there are cultural differences, I think this is the same everywhere. It made the trip difficult for her, even though spiritually it was a success.

(to be continued...)

***edit 4/1/2011***

I feel like a quote from this post from iceeup.tumblr.com really encapsulates my own feelings of that moment and the issues that I am dealing with in taking responsiblilty for the way I've let the world standards intimidate me and judge me, then pass on those judgments to others, which is completely wrong.

"I know it’s shallow, but i understand it to be like a bad first impression, as in my first thoughts of you were negative because you have a trait that I value and may not have, causing me to feel intimidated by you. Eventually I get over it by getting to know the person but it still goes to show me that I still have work to do as far as my self esteem is concerned. It’s been an uphill battle to get to this point but hopefully I continue to improve. I don’t want my insecurities to ever rule my life again, but I realized that it’s perfectly normal to feel this way from time to time. Something is bound to get to me."

2009-02-05T14:37:00.000-05:00

What Your Taste in Music Says About You

Your musical tastes are intense and rebellious.

You are intelligent... but in a very unconventional way.

You are curious about the world. You love doing something new.

In fact, you enjoy taking risks and doing things most people would shy away from.

You are very physical. It's likely that you're athletic, but not into team sports.

You have the soul of an artist. Beauty and harmony are important to you.

What Does Your Taste in Music Say About You?

What Your Bed Says About You

Outward appearances aren't important to you at all. You think that the over emphasis on looks to be shallow.

You try to be an organized person, but you often fall behind. Certain parts of your life tend to fall into chaos.

You are very high maintenance. You like everything a certain way, and you're grumpy if things aren't the way you like them.

In relationships, you tend to be quite dominant. You enjoy taking charge.

You tend to be a dreamy, head in the clouds type of person. You think in terms of possibilities.

You are a bit of a homebody, but you can also make yourself at home anywhere.

What Does Your Bed Say About You?

Some Art Stuff from Polyvore

2009-01-02T10:01:00.001-05:00

It's Hard Not To by Esther Leone

Untitled by Esther Leone

2008-12-30T10:24:00.003-05:00

I keep having tornado dreams. Lord, what does that mean? Last night I dreamed that some of my co-interns from IHOP met up for Katie Emery's birthday (but in the dream I kept calling her Kim b/c I couldn't remember her name): Drew, Andy, and a few others were there, it's hard to remember now. I think Alisha was there and Lydia and we were just chilling, but it was around Thanksgiving time and my family started showing up and my in-laws (but I don't have any in-laws and I wasn't married in the dream) were getting dinner ready s the sun started to set. It was a good time but I also kept feeling this foreboding. Something was about to happen. As it became night it was only the fam there and I looked out the windows of the sunroom up at the evening sky there was this upside down but not really tornado in the sky.It wasn't like the funnel was pointing upward but I could see the top part of the cloud that the tornado was apart of and it was swirling like this:
*yes i know that this is a picture of the earth's magnetic field but that's what the top of the cloud looked and even the direction it was swirling in from bottom to top.*

So I tell everyone that we should start closing up the house and gathering food and flashlights and candles and go downstairs and cut off the electricity and everyone's listening but they're being really really slow about it, so that by the time it's night and the funnel is still in the sky (it hadn't touched down yet) but no one was ready. It could touch down any moment and so I turned off the lights and yelled for everyone to gather together but they were scattered all over the two parts of the house (they were linked by a breezeway and I was in the back the part that faced the back yard) and I'm trying to gather all the stuff we need while everyone is still milling around. Then I wake up.

*the house was like this wood cabin structure like a big vacation house*

A Survey...

2008-12-24T12:23:00.001-05:00

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
---ancd convictions rapidly crystallize. God's close oversight of the process.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What's there?
---the wall

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
---Bruce Almighty

4 .... Without looking, guess what time it is:
---12:23

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
---12:19

6. With the exception of the computer ..., what can you hear?
---Bruce Almighty on TV

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
---last night @ like 11:30pm. Welcoming my friend Jessica to the house

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
---a blog about my friend's birth

9. What are you wearing?
---black blouson top and black capris

10. Did you dream last night?
---...yes.

11. When did you last laugh?
---this morning I think

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
---a print about the fruits of the spirit

13. Seen anything weird lately?
---not really

14. What do you think of this quiz?
---I don't

15. What is the last film you saw?
---Seven Pounds

16.If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
---my college education and I'd pay off my dad's mortgage

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:
---I want to be a midwife

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
---everyone would know the love of Jesus Christ

19. Do you like to dance?
---I *love* to dance

20. George Bush:
---president...?

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
--- Rada (rayduh) Marie Annetoinette.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
--- Aquila. I don't know about the rest of his names (I'm a long names person).

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
---..Yes, Scotland and Australia here I come

24. What do you want to say to God when you reach the pearly gates?
---"It's good to be home."

baby Dara is born!!!

2008-12-24T00:47:00.003-05:00

So my friend Tracy just gave birth today and I attended. She had a home birth and I have to say it was a good experience and pretty quick too; her entire labor was about 2.5 hours, which is pretty unusual. She let another friend and me be there because I am considering midwifery and my friend Hephzibah is considering obstetrics (though now she's leaning more towards midwifery; yay!). Her midwife really led us through what was going on and what she was doing at each stage of labor, and I wasn't grossed out like I thought I'd be. While messy it's just a natural part of life, this is what happens when humans reproduc. Zi had a harder time dealing with it though. The baby (girl, 8.03 lbs, born at 4:33 pm) was so beautiful and Tracy was pretty much recovered if really sore about an hour afterwards, and she could relax because it was her house her rules. It definitely made the enitre process easier being at home. Afterwards I was thinking, I can handle this, I can do this for a living. I just appreciate that she let me be apart of such an intimate time with her family.

orion

2008-12-17T02:43:00.005-05:00

Tonight--actually, this morning a few moments ago-- me and three of my friends lay in my front yard in Suburbiaville. We looked at the stars so long that we felt like we were about to fall off the surface of the Earth. And I kept getting Orion's belt confused with the Little Dipper (I was never much of an astronomer). Our feet kept getting cold and we kept smelling this horrible odor that turned out to be my dog Dice's poop on the bottom of the blanket on the ground (fortunately we laid two down). It was so much fun, we were laughing so much that I was scared of waking up the neighbors at two in the morning, lol. I can't wait to do it again. I kept thinking that if I was still en ough I could feel the Earth turning.

I love nights like that where all the girl's are together and we can enjoy something like the nmigt sky and a shooting star or the aura around the moon.This is the reason God made the winter weather in Florida so mild. And it's funny because when my friend Shalom first had the idea I didn't want to go outside at all. I'm not the outdoorsy, campy, hiking, granola types. But it was good laying outside huddled together under three blankets, trying to keep our feet warm and dry. It was good.

2008-11-20T13:35:00.001-05:00

The Child Catcher by Esther Leone

The Artist Conducting Business by Esther Leone

Brownish Spider

2008-11-17T09:33:00.002-05:00

Brownish Spider
Song by Mewithoutyou
Set by Esther Leone

every thing I thought I'd learned
ambition and illusion turned
to drawings on a loose leaf sheet
of figs and fruits I couldn't eat

what in her do I require?
the face of gratified desire
what in me does she require?
the face of a gratified desire

brownish spider,
brownish leaf
confirms my deepest held belief.
no more spider,
no more leaf,
no more me,
no more belief.

Hills of Myrrh and Frankincense

2008-11-17T09:12:00.005-05:00

Run away and come back

Come back and run away.
It's what I seem to do all day, every day.
Because I can't make up my mind
Though I've made it up a thousand times.
To be with You
To stay with You
I say never again
And I shut the door on my sin
Only to return to it the next day.
The same way I go back to a
midnight snack, to indulge in indulgence
and in regret.

They say it's better to love without
The heavy weight on a soul that is guilt
And I agree, but I can't walk away
Not when I know that the one
To wipe away the guilt was me.
What kind of cheap forgiveness is that?
I think they call it a hardened heart.

All day I cry, "Catch for us the foxes!"
Then, deliberately I eave open the fate
By the next morning I'm crying
Over the ruined vines.

All day You say, "My dove in the clefts
of the rock, In the hiding places of
the mountainside, Let me see your face.
Let me hear your voice; for your voice
is sweet, and your face is lovely."

And all day I am too proud and too scared
And too proud to admit I'm scared
And I run away. In the valley of decision
I live, all day.

NO MORE!
And I place my hand in Yours
once again, Lord let me stay.
Oh my Father I want to stay with You!

~~~

Sorrow and Suffering stand on each side
A hand on each of my shoulders, hoods hanging
low over each brow, a needle prick in my chest
As we take each step toward the Hills

Before long I am running in
the opposite direction and pushing them away.
The way through is too hard and too long
and this needle--now a sword-- in my heart
is more than any one should try to bear.

Before long, Sorrow and Suffering have caught
up with me. Before long holding me,
Before long rocking me back and forth
Like that painting of the Mother and Child
Oh mother!

2008-11-06T14:16:00.004-05:00

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English
30% Dixie
10% Yankee
0% Midwestern
0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

The Castle Personality Test

You are a bit tentative when it comes to new experiences. You have to push yourself to try new things, but once you do, you love the adventure.
You like to think that people see you as dramatic and fascinating. You do your best to seem mysterious.
You are a very realistic person. You see the world as it is, flaws and all.
Right now, you feel like the whole world is open to you. You see lots of possibilities.
Overall, your life is well managed and fulfilling. You enjoy every day, even if nothing out of the ordinary happens.
You feel like the fate of the future partially rests in your hands. You believe you need to help make the world a better place.

The Castle Personality Test

Entries from the Urban Dictionary

2008-10-17T00:05:00.000-04:00

Manicorn

a mythical male creature who is successful (read: pursuing his passion and can pay his electric bills/rent), funny, chivalrous, masculine (read: not chauvinistic), adventurous, artistic (read: not suicidal).

See any John Cusack film (or Chuck Klosterman's witty commentary on Fake Love in Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Pops), any romantic comedy where the flawed guy comes through in the end...

Examples of Usage:
"Where is my manicorn? I keep going out with all these losers!"
"Too bad I settled when I got married, I just met my manicorn."

Blackberry Jam
A people traffic jam that occurrs in subway tunnels and bus stations. Caused by inconsiderate workaholics walking too slow while their noses are glued to their Blackberry device.

Examples of Usage:
I was late for work because there was a Blackberry Jam getting out of the A train.

Desk Rage
The peak of office employee stress levels which ultimately starts with the screaming of vulgar language within the workplace. It can often times lead to assaulting fellow employees, abusing office equipment and/or stealing of company property, abusing sick days and ultimately poor production at work. A possible side effect is that the employee continues to take out his or her rage at their residence in the form of kicking small animals and drinking heavily.

Examples of Usage:
With my pending at work and the amount of people calling me each day I'm on the brink of desk rage and one day I'm going to break and take it out on that weird guy that sits next to me.

Black Girl, Light World I: Myth of the Melting Pot

2008-09-27T11:37:00.033-04:00

For the last few days I've been mulling over a conversation I had with two friends about 1.5-2 years ago about the various cultural "prefixes" (African/Chinese/Cuban/etc.) to American and whether or not they are necessary or actually more hurtful in the scheme of becoming a cultural melting pot of Americans. My friends' position was that these titles separate us and that everyone should just call themselves American and have it done with. Doesn't the constant reminder of different backgrounds distract us from our common goals now that we're here as well as exacerbate racism and discrimination, making us weaker and more divided as a people?

At the time, my only response was to say that in remembrance of history it's valuable. How can you know who you are if you don't know where you've come from? The very thought that you can try to erase your background with new uniform title is ludicrous to say the least. We ended the conversation at a stalemate with me unable to adequately explain what I was thinking. Over the years, this and similar topics have come up but I the other day I found a blog and a particular entry that better explained my thought processes:

I will never forget the words I heard come out of the mouth of one of these guys in response to the tensions between blacks and native americans:

“It’s nuts, you know? All these tensions based on race it’s just…stupid. Life’s too short, you know? This is America. We should just forget all this bickering and just become one culture!”

The last sentence of his claim sent me into fits of laughter in a discussion that was otherwise utterly un-funny. I fell BACKWARDS out of my chair, and rolled around on the floor of the classroom howling with laughter and clutching my stomach until I was thrown out of class and told to report to detention (this happened in high school)...

White people make the ‘one culture’ argument in front of minorities all the time, and they do it because they think it’s what we want to hear**. What they don’t know is that this argument enrages us for two reasons: 1.) It allows white people to forget about the consequences of historic racial injustice (which would persist, even if we were ‘one culture’) while continuing to reap the benefits of historic racial injustice 2.) ‘One Culture’ implies a melting pot, which is COMPLETELY impossible. For there to be one culture, there would have to be forced assimilation into an existing culture*, which is something that minorities (blacks and indians above all) are all too familiar with (think ‘YO NAME IS TOBY!‘ and Indian boarding schools with the mission ‘Kill the Indian, Save the Man’, like the one attended by my father) The One Culture argument implies ignorance of minority issues on the part of whites, and an entirely self-serving agenda.

* White culture, to be exact.

**(my own note, not apart of the excerpted post above)

I don't think that all say this b/c they think it's what we as minorities want to hear;

some people genuinely believe this, and think it's the best way to confront racism.

While I respect the desire for racism to be a thing of the past,

I must say that I totally disagree with this point of view for the reasons stated below.

Basically, the idea of a melting pot culture means that someone else's culture is going to be totally oppressed, represented as inferior, and the people from that culture discriminated against. This brings to my mind a documentary I watched on Qin Shi Huang, the first emperor of China. In history he is credited with uniting China and creating a common language, monetary system, building the Great Wall, etc. An often overlooked aspect of his unification is that he suppressed the cultures and language of the other five Chinese states and establishing his own as the "common" one. This is the same thing that happens in almost every human manufactured "unification" of cultures. The stronger really suppresses the weaker and makes it anathema. When my friends are saying we should just call ourselves American and see ourselves as one culture, the truth is that it's a white or white dominated culture that, of course, is affected by the surrounding minorities-it can't escape unscathed-but it's a definitely a culture that is geared towards the majority and looks down on the minority. But the majority (whatever majority we're talking about) can get away with not even thinking about this fact anymore because we are now calling ourselves a "melting pot" and have a "common culture". These differences don't divide us anymore or shouldn't anyway. Can't we all just get along?

My goal is no to "exacerbate racial tensions" or whatever you want to call it. My goal is to point out that racism isn't done and over with and, to be honest, I think it is now at the best it's ever going to be, noting the way the Bible describes the End Times as an outpouring of sin and hatred. Racism is definitely apart of that and I think we are living in the days close to those times. To be honest I already see it increasing from when I was younger, particularly speaking of antisemitism.

There is only--and I do mean ONLY--one superior overriding super-culture, and that is the culture of Christ. It doesn't discriminate against any culture, for all are valued in some aspects and all must give up some aspects of their culture that are fleshly and geared towards love of the world rather than love of Christ and His Church. Everyone has something to contribute to the Body culturally, and everyone has some things in their culture that detract from Biblical function of the Body.

http://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/2008/08/05/white-forgetfulness/

2008-09-26T16:49:00.002-04:00

What Your Bed Says About You

Outward appearances aren't important to you at all. You think that the over emphasis on looks to be shallow.

You try to be an organized person, but you often fall behind. Certain parts of your life tend to fall into chaos.

You are not very high maintenance in general, but you are high maintenance about a few things.

In relationships, you tend to kick back and let the other person be in charge.

You tend to be a dreamy, head in the clouds type of person. You think in terms of possibilities.

You are a bit of a homebody, but you can also make yourself at home anywhere.

What Does Your Bed Say About You?

2008-09-22T14:40:00.000-04:00

My heart hurts. Not for myself only, but for others. It hasn't in a while, but this is good. It's good to realize that the people I pass on the street aren't props in the movie of my life. They have their own lives, their own problems, their own feelings, their own hurts, and God cares just as much for each of them as He does for me. He is interesed in their choices and their hearts. There are things that hurt them and that they do to hurt others that matter. And I should care. I am suppposed to pray for them and speak to them and speak into them, from the resevior of what God has given me in my times of study, prayer, and contemplation with Him. I want to walk in love and power to change people's lives; to have the evidence of change in my own life.

Steam Punk and Other Eclectica

2008-09-10T22:54:00.004-04:00

Something I Do In My Spare Time

2008-09-10T22:50:00.003-04:00

Romans 12:1-2

2008-09-10T22:02:00.005-04:00

I'm in a creative, make-something mood, but nothing I put to my hands seems to be the right thing. I feel restless because I'm an idiot and I know it. I run and hide, from what the best things. It is hard to kick against the goads and I don't want to anymore. Nothing is too hard for Christ who is God, and the Holy Spirit which has been placed in me. i wish I wasn't afraid to hear the truth and "do the right thing". Caught in the non existent catch-22 of my own making. It wouldn't be hard if i would just surrender, just let go.

Just. Let. Go.

Maybe it won't be as bad as I think.

Maybe it will be worse.

Maybe He isn't asking what I think He's asking.

I'm almost sure it will be the very thing that tears me in two--into nothing.
Tears me into nothing.

But I know it will be best.

The discipline the "sacrifice".
Me.
Finally a living sacrifice,
holy and acceptable.
My reasonable (showing reason or sound judgment; "a sensible choice"; "a sensible person"; fair: not excessive or extreme; "a fairish income"; "reasonable prices"; marked by sound judgment; "sane nuclear policy) service.

Reasonable service.
Even the thing I don't want to be asked is quite reasonable.

Now For Some Silliness

2008-09-08T15:01:00.000-04:00

Ashley is sitting on the couch and I'm telling the whole world about it. Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! Ashley and Charlie the Unicorn sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes strange mutual atrraction through the vortex of darkness. Then comes a joint rulership of the Bo-nan-o Kingdom. Then comes strange and extremely bewildering children that are red and blue unicors, though you'd *think* that they'd be half-human half-unicorn, also known as hunicorns, but they're not. That's not all. That's not all. Then comes the school of fugu fish drinkin' alcohol.

2008-09-05T00:33:00.002-04:00

So school has started and I have a great schedule--all Tuesday/Thursday classes--so that I can work more easily. Now if only I could find a job. Well, another job. Eight hours a week at min. wage isn't going to cut it.

This week in poetic technique two girls came to my class to hype the wonders of study abroad, and I have to say that they did a good job, but i don't think I'll be able to do that next year and take any of the classes I need to graduate, which is disappointing. The the course offerings are quite broad, esp. for the Valencia and London study centers, they still don't have my classes. But I do so want to go. I was also thinking about changing my foreign language from Latin to Italian, but I also think it's too late for that I should have thought about that last semester. I may still take a class or two though.

Sometimes, it's good to just talk about my day. No huge meaning of life/worship/living Christianity questions, though they are just under the surface of my thoughts, begging to be released. Maybe in a few hours after I've had some sleep. I am tired. More than I should be but I almost never go to bed at a reasonable time. I should, but I never do before 12am.

2008-08-25T02:06:00.006-04:00

I just finished the book The Timetraveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenfegger and I hve to say it is the most heartbreaking book I've read since... Nicholas Spark's Message in a Bottle, though I cried harder and longer at the end of The Notebook (I haven't read the book yet). At the end of the story I basically wanted to fin my future husband whomever he may be, jump into his arms, and beg him to hold me and never let go.

It's funny that I feel that because last week (?) Thursday I was talking with my sister and something just happened. The drive, the heady desperation to be married just kind of... fell away from me.I still want it, but if it's not tomorrow or next year or even the year after I'm going to be okay. If it's before I'll be thankful, but if it's not, I'll be okay. I'm able to desire such things as a husband's embrace without feeling like the anvil of time is hanging over my head. God has it taken care of me no matter when it happens, if I remain faithful. And that's the hard part, remaining obedient and faithful.I'm bad at it and I don't know what to do half the time. I must change and I know it's just a wrong attitude in me, but it's so hard to just do as I know I should when I want to do something totally else.

Les Nubienne

2008-08-21T03:15:00.001-04:00

Interesting...

2008-08-19T04:36:00.003-04:00

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Hannah Tolley is your soulmate.

You truly love Shalom.

You consider Vicky your true friend.

You know that Shalom is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Hannah Taylor for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Myself is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Prian is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Ramon is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Ramon changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Royce is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Royce has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

There's a 62% Chance That You Need Therapy

You almost certainly need therapy. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Lately life has not been easy for you. Why not let a therapist help you sort things out?

Do You Need Therapy?

A Yet Untitled Song

2008-08-16T06:37:00.000-04:00

A Yet Untitled Song

Clear-walled cage

With holes for air

I’m sitting there

Not sitting there

Watching you

In the clear-walled cage

With holes for air

Vine draped neck

Wrapped round and round

White glories hanging upside-down

And you sitting there

Content to be-

I’m sorry that it’s you, not me-

In your clear-walled cage

With holes for air

The moon man sings you a lull-a-bye

The taste of the song uncomforting

Certainly nothing

Could lead you to sleep

You pace in your cage

Clear-walled

With holes

With holes for air

So you can breathe

But you—not content to be—

Wish not to breathe

And cover the holes

With your remaining clothes

You cover the holes

Of your clear-walled cage

With holes for air

And when I come back to see

Not to actually see

But to “see”

There is no one standing there

In the clear-walled cage

With no holes for air

A Young Bruce Wayne: The Suffering Frame

2008-08-16T03:07:00.002-04:00

"Pain hardens, and great pain hardens greatly, whatever the comforters say, and suffering does not ennoble, though it may occasionally lend a certain rigid dignity of manner to the suffering frame."

Blog Things Can Be Fun, Part 2

2008-08-15T10:00:00.004-04:00

You Are Andale Mono

You are a geek, pure and simple. You spend a lot of time online. (accurate)
In fact, you probably love the internet more than anyone you know. (accurate)
You are picky about design, mostly for readability's sake. (accurate)
You are the type most likely to be irritated by a bad font. (accurate)

What Font Are You?

Only 1 question changes these two and I can't decide

	You Are Black Tea
	You have a bold personality. You're not afraid of simply being yourself. You have the courage to speak the truth. You are fearless in your actions. You come off as a bit intimidating and unapproachable. Only confident people are attracted to you. You don't try to scare off anyone. You're just an intense person!

You Are Chai Tea

There are many subtle sides to your personality. You are difficult to decode.
You are a complex and deep individual. You have many nuanced beliefs, and your mood frequently changes.
You are a creative and expressive person. You draw your inspiration from the whole world.
You enjoy exotic food, music, and travel. Your tastes are very international.

What Kind of Tea Are You?

Everything Bright and Beautiful

2008-08-14T14:00:00.001-04:00

Justice and Mercy

2008-08-14T12:03:00.000-04:00

"Justice is turned back, and righteousness stands afar off; for truth is fallen in the street, and equity cannot enter. So truth fails, and he who departs from evil makes himself a prey. Then the LORD saw it, and it displeased Him that there was no justice. He saw that there was no man, and wondered that there was no intercessor; therefore His own arm brought salvation for Him; and His own righteousness, it sustained Him. For He put on righteousness as breastplate, and a helmet of salvation on His head; He put on the garments of vengeance for clothing and was clad with zeal as a cloak."
Isaiah 59:14-17

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, because the LORD has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.” Isaiah 61:1-3

~ ~ ~

So many times when people suffer injustice and are wounded particularly in the forms of physical abuse, molestation, or rape, and go in search of healing they are taught about the love of God and the need to forgive the people who wounded them. Both of these messages are incredibly crucial to healing and deliverance and without these bitterness and unforgiveness sets in there is a gap between these to and I think that most people can feel it. They wonder if God loves them so much why would He allow such terrible things to happen to them or to anybody, and though they know that they're supposed to forgive they wonder about just and whether or not it means anything at all. At least I did. There seemed to be something lacking., and while I was in the One Thing Internship I got to find out what it was. That "something lacking" was the understanding of God's love as a jealous husband who is not only a Bridegroom but a King with all dominion and all power and a Judge who will not allow injustice and unrighteousness to go one forever without retribution.

The Lord promised that injustice will be see an end and those who do not repent for their action will see full judgment for their wickedness. He is jealous for His bride and anyone who hurts her should be very afraid. God's love isn't only the fluttery, lovey-dovey sweetness towards us; His love is true love that values and protects. No one would believe that a husband loved his wife, if she was raped and beaten and the only thing he had to say about it was, "Oh honey, just forgive the guy it'll be okay. You just need to move on and forget about it." NO matter how many love letters that husband sent, or how many bouquets of flowers, if he was not consumed with rage at the thought of some strange person laying a hand on his wife, let alone the actuality, his affections would be in serious doubt. This idea of love is not humanly made; it originated in the heart of God.'

The understanding that the all-holy, all-powerful God is on our side and will vindicate us AND that not too long ago we were also enemies of God, full of wickedness and injustice ourselves, harming others that God valued and in line for judgment except for the grace of God is what leads me to forgiveness. When I understood this reality of God's love, I began to intercede for the lives of those who are in truth no different than me. This is what causes love for our enemies to grow in our hearts and total healing from the past. it caused me to pray that they will know the Lord Jesus as I have known Him, that they would find salvation as I have found it. Knowing that I was once on my way to the same judgment and that God will really bring justice in the end causes the love of God to well up in my heart.

This revelation was very important to me. Before I went to the internship I was (and still am) writing a short story about this very thing, and I came to the point where I couldn't write anymore because I didn't know what he Christians in the story would tell the main character. I didn't know what God had to say about injustice and to be honest I didn't know if He even cared. I would try to forgive those who had legitimately wronged me, but I couldn't let go of the fact that something wrong had been and form what the Christians around me said, God wasn't going to do anything about it. I would find myself jumping into other people's disagreements because I could see unfairness and "apparently" no one but me was going to take care of it, or striking out at people I knew from experience wanted to hurt me and because no one was going to take care of me I had to take care of myself. I held onto wrongs done me, because I was sure no one else had seen and God would surely forget. Understanding this truth about God's character has set me free in so many ways and I know that it is my function or calling to bring this message to hurting angry people inside and outside the Church who have believed a lie about God.

Knowing that God remembers enables us to forgive and forget and ask for forgiveness for that person who hurt us as well. Knowing that God sees everything not only puts a holy fear in us about our own lives, but it also lets us live our lives vulnerably, no longer on the defensive at every turn. I honestly think that that has been the biggest change in my view of God and in my life.

Easily the Most Romantic

2008-08-14T02:07:00.004-04:00

August 5, 2008

2008-08-14T01:22:00.008-04:00

August 5, 2008

I should be writing now at 1.05 hours past midnight you know what that means you’re not getting enough sleep and not prepared enough for the day tomorrow never prepared enough and midnight surprise is playing in your ears and that's all you can hear, what good is that to you to hear only this, the things you fail to do and the failures you only do it seems though I know that that’s not totally or only true.

Wake Up Princess, Wake up princess…

Stop fooling around stop wasting your time; you’re the one that doesn’t benefit from it. You’re the one that loses out. Always. The one that loses out

And that‘s not all, write the vision, eat the scroll, concentrate on the only one that matters, and stop slapping yourself in the face. If only you—I—could stop slapping you—myself—in the face, and I can’t even say it on white paper. I slapped myself in the face the other day and it wasn’t fun. No it wasn’t fun, but I seem to be unable to restrain. Unable to restrain these hands of mine that want to exact their vengeance on my body until it is a broken unbroken mass of what I am now, of what I should have “used to be”. But still am. Oh what I still am even this night still am, and still regretting that I am, but discipline is a hard commodity to come by, as you know. Discipline is hard, especially when you must exact it on yourself when neither you nor anyone else has before. But how else will I learn? I see no other way. If only I saw another way. But maybe that is the indiscipline in me speaking. There is no other way.

Tallahassee

2008-08-14T01:18:00.004-04:00

Tallahassee

Noon-time brings with it a thick blanket of humidity,

that is heavy on my neck and arms, and

wrapped around my legs.

That and the heat coming through

the unprotected windshield are as comforting

as a husband’s embrace.

With my eyes half shut, I recline against

the vinyl covered seat, not caring

that I’m sticking to it or that my breathing

has become drinking.

I watch my feet,

propped up on the dashboard; they’ve changed

from milk chocolate to dark.

There’s nothing else to do.

Blog Things Can Be Fun

2008-08-13T23:37:00.003-04:00

What Your Ideal Wedding Dress Says About You

Your Personal Style:
Young and flashy. You dress like a celebrity, and you love to accessorize. (inaccurate)

Your Ideal Wedding:
A huge party with all your friends, with lots of toasting and dancing(inaccurate)

Your Philosophy on Marriage:
The person you marry should be your best friend. (accurate)

Your Perfect Marriage:
Is when you still surprise each other with romantic gestures(accurate)

The Wedding Dress Test

You Are Cilantro

The bad news is that there are some people who can't stand you. (accurate)
The good news is that most people love you more than anything else in the world. (accurate)
You are distinct, unusual, fresh, and very controversial. And you wouldn't have it any other way. (accurate)

What Spice Are You?

You Are the Ace of Clubs

You go at everything in your life full force. You are a natural gambler. (inaccurate)
Your life definitely has some extreme highs and lows, but you know how to ride out the low times. (accurate)
A total adventure seeker, you are never satisfied by what's normal or ordinary. (accurate)
You like to push limits and shock people. You're dramatic, but a drama queen. (accurate)
Your life has been a wild ride so far. You have stories that people can barely believe. (50/50)
And you're probably still young... with a lot of wild rides in front of you. (accurate)
A gamble you should take: High stakes roulette (50/50)
Your friends would describe you as: Crazy (50/50)
Your enemies would describe you as: Demented (50/50)
If you lived in Vegas, you would be: A high roller (inaccurate)

What Playing Card Are You?

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict.
One moment you're in your own little happy universe... and the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!(50/50)

At your best: You understand the world completely, and every ordinary experience is sublime. (accurate)

What people like about being around you: You say and do the craziest things. You're very entertaining. (50/50)

What people dislike about being around you: You're unpredictable. Your mood swings are quite intense. (accurate)

How addicted people get to you: They pretty much don't get addicted to you. (50/50)

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

You Are 40% Open Minded

You aren't exactly open minded, but you have been known to occasionally change your mind. (accurate)
You're tolerant enough to get along with others who are very different... (accurate)
But you may be quietly judgmental of things or people you think are wrong. (accurate)
You take your own values pretty seriously, and it would take a lot to change them. (accurate)

How Open Minded Are You?

You Are 4: The Individualist

You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. (accurate)
You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. (50/50)
You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. (accurate)
Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel. (50/50)
At Your Best: You are inspired, artistic, and introspective. You know what you're thinking, and you can communicate it well. (accurate)
At Your Worst: You are melancholy, alienated, and withdrawn. (accurate)
Your Fixation: Envy (50/50)
Your Primary Fear: To have no identity (50/50)
Your Primary Desire: To find yourself (50/50)

Other Number 4's: Alanis Morisette, Johnny Depp, J.D. Salinger, Jim Morrison, and Anne Rice.

What Number Are You?